


Time Apart; Time Together

by Remembrance



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Crush, Banter, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Crush, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Self-Discovery, Serious at Times, Silly at Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-11 15:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remembrance/pseuds/Remembrance
Summary: “Ah, well… Shrimpy, I’m not really sure where to start. You left for a year, right? To study overseas? I’m sure you got along with everyone, made new friends, had a blast… Tobio, though…” Oikawa took small breath as he glanced away. “He… He had a rough time. Being without you, being alone… He didn’t really handle it well… at all.”





	1. Spring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shouyoto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouyoto/gifts).



> This is the first new fic I'm posting in 9 months. I did some rewrites to get me back into writing and posting, but this is the first new content I'm putting up. I'm nervous af, but I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This is dedicated to Aira (check out their fics: [AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/shouyoto)). They were what kickstarted me getting out of depression, and this fic came from their boost. They reminded me what it was to love writing. They listened – made my writing feel important, you know? So, to my friend who accidentally hands in final exams with the name Kageyama scribbled all over, this is to you. 
> 
> The fic is mostly light-hearted, but deals with depression and related issues. That’s a bit of a warning I guess? It’s more of an emotional hurt/comfort thing, self-discovery, and a comedy. Nine months without writing made for some pretty ugly mistakes, so shoutout to Nikooki (check out their art: [twitter](https://twitter.com/nikooki_kyuu/) / [tumblr](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/)), my beta. I poured my heart into this so, I hope you guys like it!

 It probably made more sense for him to notice his family first, or at least his crying mom, but Hinata – holding one of his purple backpack straps in one hand and the handle of his small, black carry-on suitcase in the other – could only see Kageyama in that moment. Kageyama. Their eyes locked, and Hinata felt something warm flood inside him.   
   
 It probably made more sense to make calm, collected movements in an airport, especially with all the security, but Hinata – not being able to see anything but Kageyama – ran, and  _jumped._    
   
 It probably made more sense to greet his friends calmly, but—   
   
 “Kageyama!”   
   
 “GET OFF OF ME!”   
   
 They crashed to the ground. Kageyama took the brunt of the impact as he fell on his back, scowling with the rage of a thousand storms. Hinata just laughed and sat on his chest, leaning down to squeeze him into the biggest hug ever hugged.   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 That moment made Kageyama seize; and, shakily, he brought his arms around to hug Hinata back, unsure of what to make of it.   
   
 Hinata, still laughing, nuzzled Kageyama’s cheek. “I missed you!”   
   
 “I…” Kageyama’s scowl intensified. “Missed. You… too.”   
   
 “Hinata,” came Tsukishima’s voice as he pointed past them. “Isn’t that your luggage on the conveyer belt?”   
   
 “Ho!” Hinata jumped off Kageyama and turned around.   
   
 “I’ll go get it!” offered Yachi.   
   
 “Ah, it’s okay.” Yamaguchi laughed. “It’ll come around again.”   
   
 Kageyama took the time to get up, glaring at the back of Hinata’s head with enough force to burn a hole right through it.  
   
 “Shouyou!” came a small, squeaky voice.   
   
 “Natsu!” Hinata turned around and dropped down so she could run into his arms. He squeezed her tight and smiled. “I missed you!” He backed away a bit. “Did you miss your big brother? Did you get taller? Are you doing well in school?”   
   
 “I’m getting straight A’s!”   
   
 Tsukishima cracked a smile. “High grades must run in the family. For most of the family.”   
   
 “Gah!” Hinata held back tears as he looked at Tsukki. “You know I almost always fail everything!”   
   
 Yamaguchi snickered, which made Tsukki crack an actually warm smile, and Yachi did her best to hide a laugh too.   
   
 Natsu grinned. “He’s calling you dumb!”   
   
 Hinata grabbed his stomach, as if punched, and whined.   
   
 “Dumbass!” Kageyama yelled, “You wouldn’t fail if you studied!”   
   
 “Ah, Tobio,” came the quiet voice of Hinata’s mother, “I think your grades are worse than his.”   
   
 Kageyama stared at her, shocked.   
   
 Hinata laughed, loud. “I love you, mom!”   
   
 They embraced and Hinata squeezed her as tight as possible.   
   
   
 

* * *

   
   
 Chapter 1:  _Spring_    
  
 

* * *

  
   
   
   
 The car ride was short, but it consisted mainly of bantering between Tsukki and Hinata (with Tsukishima easily winning every argument). Hinata’s mom, who was driving the van, laughed while mostly focusing on the road. When they got to Hinata’s home, they decided to split ways for the time being, and agreed to meet up for lunch in a couple hours at Hinata’s favourite noodle place.   
   
 “Kageyama,” Hinata said while grabbing his arm. “You stay.”   
   
 Kageyama stared at him then stared where Hinata was grabbing him, then back at him. “Okay.”   
   
 “Thanks for offering to helping me unpack.”   
   
 “Tch,” Kageyama scoffed. “Dumbass!”   
   
 They moved to his room and Hinata made a loud (unnecessary) noise as he spun in the middle of it.   
   
 “My room is so much smaller than I remember,” Hinata cooed. “That means I must have grown!”   
   
 “No! You didn’t even grow a millimetre!”   
   
 “How do you know!?”   
   
 “You probably got shorter, dumbass!”   
   
 Hinata laughed and spun once again before falling back on his bed, arms stretched out. He smiled, sinking against his mattress. “Everything’s just as I left it. Except, cleaner, but it feels like nothing’s changed.”   
   
 Kageyama glanced around the room, thinking of the hours he’d spent here as a kid. He walked over to the bed and sat next to Hinata. He didn’t say anything, just went quiet, lost in thought.   
   
 Hinata stared at him, from his diagonal angle, and laughed.   
   
 Kageyama glanced over his shoulder.   
   
 “Ah, nothing.” Hinata sat up and nudged Kageyama’s shoulder. “I missed you.”   
   
 Kageyama frowned. “Stop saying stupid things.”   
   
 “Wah? What’s stupid about missing my best friend?”   
   
 Kageyama glared, but it only lasted a moment before his glare melted away. He looked to the side, opposite of Hinata, as if the wall was the most fascinating thing in the world.   
   
 Hinata glanced at his profile and smiled. “Feels like nothing’s changed, ne?”   
   
 “I don’t know.”   
   
 “What’s that supposed to mean?”   
   
 “I don’t know.” Kageyama turned back at him. “You still don’t make any sense, so maybe nothing has changed.”   
   
 Hinata figured he should’ve been upset by that, but the warm thud in his chest made him smile, smile bright.   
   
 Kageyama flinched, as if he was looking at the sun, but Kageyama wasn’t one to back down (not even in a staring contest with the sun). He kept glaring. “You acting dumber ever since you came back. You say a lot of stupid things.”   
   
 Hinata laughed and hummed. “Blame it on jet lag.”   
   
 “Hm.”   
   
   
   
   
   
 “Ah!” Hinata looked at the menu. It had a different design since he’d last been here, but the items were all the same. He read each one, carefully, and smiled. He looked up at the rest of them. “It’s so easy to order things when it’s all in your native language.”   
   
 Yamaguchi glanced to the menu. “I can’t even imagine going to a country where I can’t even speak the language.”   
   
 “Tadashi, that’s because you have self-preservation.”   
   
 “Tsukki! Don’t be mean!”   
   
 Tsukishima caught sight of Yamaguchi’s smile and the corner of his lips curved upwards.   
   
 When the waiter came around, he recognised Hinata instantly and wasn’t surprised at all when the smallest of the boys ordered the biggest beef bowl on the menu. Kageyama ordered a large bowl, while Tsukki, Yamaguchi, and Yachi ordered the regular.   
   
 “A large?” Hinata blinked as he turned to Kageyama. “That’s small for you.”   
   
 “It’s only lunch,” murmured Kageyama as he broke apart his chopsticks.   
   
 “He hasn’t been eating as much,” Yachi pointed out. Kageyama shot her a look, and Yachi squeaked. “I-I j-just meant! P-Probably because Hi-Hinata hasn’t been here to e-egg you on!”   
   
 Under the table, Hinata poked Kageyama’s stomach.   
   
 Kageyama elbowed his arm. “Stop that!”   
   
 “What the hell!” Hinata poked him again.   
   
 “Stop!”   
   
 “Why are you so skinny? It’s all hard now!”   
   
 “I have  _muscle_  now.”   
   
 “No way, really?”   
   
 “Yes, shut up.”   
   
 “Let me see!” Hinata grabbed his shirt and tugged up. “You have  _abs_  now!?”   
   
 Kageyama grabbed his shirt and pulled it down. “Shut up, dumbass! Don’t just grab my clothes! You’re going to stretch them!”   
   
 “Whoa!” Hinata looked with fascination. “Can I touch your abs?”   
   
 “No!”   
   
 “Aw c’mon, please?”   
   
 Kageyama opened his mouth to roar, but his eyes caught sight of the only thing that could calm him down.   
   
 Food.   
   
 The server put the bowls in front of everyone and Hinata made a happy noise as he began eating right away, not even waiting for it to cool down a little. Tsukishima just stared at him, while Yamaguchi hid a laugh behind his hand. Yachi smiled brightly, and even Kageyama seemed to enjoy the familiar sight. Kageyama picked up his chopsticks and began eating at a regular human pace, wondering how he even used to keep up.   
   
 Hinata munched away, slurping as loud as humanly possible for a minute straight. Finally, he looked up, cheeks puffed up, eating aggressively. He swallowed and smiled. “I missed this place so much!”   
   
 Tsukishima focused on his bowl as he murmured, “We can tell.”   
   
 Yachi tilted her head a bit, which swayed her ponytail a little. “Is it as good as you remember?”   
   
 “Yup! Nothing’s changed!” Hinata smiled brightly. “It’s like nothing’s changed at all.”   
   
 “Your hair looks different, though,” Yamaguchi pointed out. “It looks nicer? Er, I mean… You styled it differently?”   
   
 Hinata looked up, as if he could see the orange fwop on top of his head, and smiled. “Yeah, I got a free haircut overseas so I uh, decided to try something? I don’t know. My hair’s such a mess, but it gave it more shape, and structure. It looks a lot better now, right?” He nudged Kageyama. “Right?”   
   
 Kageyama stared, eyes following the shape of Hinata’s hair, like feathers, like the sun, then he looked away. He shrugged.   
   
 “C’mon, Kageyama! You have to say it makes me look cute!”   
   
 “C-Cu-” Kageyama shot a glare.   
   
 Hinata laughed, loud. “Stop being so quiet all the time!” Under the table, he stepped on Kageyama’s foot.   
   
 Kageyama yelled and then launched his hand at Hinata’s face.   
   
 Hinata dodged, laughing. “Don’t be jealous, Kageyama.”   
   
 “I’m not jealous!”   
   
 “You look cute too.”   
   
 “Wh-Wh-” Kageyama scowled, a hint of a blush on his cheeks.   
   
 There was silence, except Yachi’s little giggle that broke their moment.   
   
 They went back to their beef bowls.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Stepping out of the restaurant, Hinata took in a breath of the air, salted by the ocean nearby. He looked up and felt the sun on his outstretched arms. He turned around, to them, and smiled. “So, what else are we going to do today?”   
   
 Kageyama stared at him.   
   
 Tsukishima rubbed his neck. “I’m going home.”   
   
 “Tsukki!”   
   
 Yachi laughed a bit. “I always want to lie down after eating a whole bowl.”   
   
 “Yeah,” agreed Tsukishima.   
   
 “I.” Kageyama twitched awkwardly. “I have to walk the dogs.”   
   
 Hinata blinked. “You have dogs!?”   
   
 “No, um. Oikawa’s boyfriend has a dog. Two. Two dogs.”   
   
 “Ushijima got dogs!?”   
   
 “No, it’s his… other boyfriend’s dogs.”   
   
 “Oikawa broke up with Ushijima!?”   
   
 “No! Oikawa just has. Two. Boyfriends.” Kageyama shrugged. “And the other one has dogs.”   
   
 “Gah!” Hinata blinked. “ _Two_  boyfriends? That’s so cool! I can’t even get one!”   
   
 Kageyama glared at him, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Shut up!”   
   
 “Ah,” Yachi peeped in with a raised hand, as if she was in class. “You know who else has a boyfriend now?”   
   
 Hinata turned to her and took a battle stance. “You have a boyfriend!”   
   
 “A-Ah no! N-Not me!”   
   
 “Then who!?”   
   
 Yamaguchi smiled wide, blush creeping on his cheeks.   
   
 “Hah!?” Hinata squatted down and looked left and right. “Who!?”   
   
 Yamaguchi said nothing, just grinned wide.   
   
 Tsukishima scoffed, glancing away, slight pink dusting his cheeks.   
   
 “No way! You two are dating!”   
   
 “Yup!” Yamaguchi bounced. “Next week it’ll be two months.”   
   
 Hinata looked at him and pouted. “You didn’t tell me!?”   
   
 “Ah, well… we’re still kinda new…” Yamaguchi poked his index fingers together, face getting redder. “And we figured… it’s nicer to say it in person, so…”   
   
 “That’s awesome! Congrats you two!”   
   
 Kageyama stood a few paces away, looking away. He was out of the conversation, not like the way Tsukishima usually was. Kageyama was off to the side, awkwardly to the side, distant. Hinata noticed it, but didn’t say anything. Hinata just forced a smile, and kept talking about Yamaguchi and Tsukishima – mostly because Tsukishima was actually getting embarrassed and Hinata wanted to get his revenge.   
   
   
   
   
   
 “Those are big dogs!”   
   
 “Where do you get all that energy,” murmured Kageyama, to himself.   
   
 But Hinata heard it.   
   
 Kageyama put the leashes on the dogs. They were big guys, fluffy and excited, running in circles and waiting for Kageyama to pet them. He did, of course. Kageyama glanced to Hinata and made a small noise. “Ready to go?”   
   
 “Yup!”   
   
 They walked at a moderate pace, stopping every once in a while for the dogs to sniff or explore something. They also had to stop for people to pet the dogs. The big black shaggy dog was named Matsukawa, and he always seemed to have a lazy smile on his face. Hinata pegged him for a trickster right away, but soon learned the other dog – Hanamaki, an almost pinkish coppery dog – was just as bad at pretending not to hear them when they tried to get the dogs back on the trail.   
   
 “So, why do you walk dogs?”   
   
 “Exercise.”   
   
 “Exercise?” Hinata stared at him. “You’re not getting those abs from walking dogs, are you?”   
   
 “No.” Kageyama cracked the world’s smallest smile (but Hinata still saw it, still felt that small flutter). “I didn’t have anyone to race, since you were gone…” He glanced down as he kept walking. “When winter came, I mostly just… stayed indoors, so…”   
   
 “Ah…” Hinata scratched his cheek as they walked. “Me too.” He smiled. “I mean, um.” His smile disappeared as he frowned, trying to sort his thoughts. “I mean, I didn’t have you there, so it was tough.”   
   
 “Ah,” Kageyama said in a monotone voice, in a way that almost sounded like an ‘mhm’ or a noncommittal ‘yeah’.   
   
 “I really did miss you when I was there.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “I’m glad I’m back, Kageyama.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 Hinata’s eyes softened and he whined. “You’re so annoying!”   
   
 “Hah!?”   
   
 Hinata ran ahead a bit and turned around. “Did you miss me, Kageyama?”   
   
 Kageyama grunted, avoiding eye contact and walking past him with the dogs. There was a small moment of silence and Kageyama sighed, hating it. “Yeah.”   
   
 Hinata turned around, “Huh?”   
   
 “I said yes!”   
   
 Hinata ran to catch up to him, a teasing smile on his face. “Yes to what?”   
   
 “It was…” Kageyama took a deep breath, glaring. “It was hard.” He stopped walking, and the dogs took the time to sniff at a bush. “Without you.”   
   
 Hinata smiled, an honest, small little smile. He looked up to Kageyama, who was staring straight ahead, and he couldn’t help but feel that warm thud once more. A thought crossed Hinata’s mind,  _I could kiss him right now._  And he let that thought warm him. That was, of course, until Hinata’s face distorted into a frown and he squatted low, in attack mode.   
   
 Kageyama looked at him and blinked, “What!?”   
   
 “Why are you so tall!?”   
   
 “Hah!?”   
   
 “I won’t reach!”   
   
 “HAH!?”   
   
   
   
   
   
 They ended up going to a dog park, where Matsukawa and Hanamaki ran as much as they wanted. They were big dogs, which scared a few people, but what was scarier was how the boy with orange hair was able to keep up and run with them, laughing and tumbling with them, petting and hugging them tight. It was only when Hinata heard a snap that he let go of Hanamaki and turned to see Kageyama, with his phone out.   
   
 Another snap.   
   
 “Are you taking pics of me?”   
   
 “Of the dogs,” murmured Kageyama. “Iwaizumi wants updates on how they’re doing, so…”   
   
 Hinata stared at him, and opened his mouth—but was distracted by a dog licking his face. Hinata burst into laughter and moved his head back, petting Hanamaki with giggles. Though Hanamaki couldn’t reach his face, Matsukawa came from the other side and tried to lick his face too, which made him laugh even more as he tried to push away the two dogs that probably weighed more than him.   
   
 Kageyama took another pic, trying to convince himself he was doing this for Iwaizumi, and that he wouldn’t save these pics at all.   
   
   
   
   
   
 After refilling their food and water, Kageyama left the dogs at Iwaizumi’s house, explaining that another one of his friends would house sit them at night, and that Kageyama just took them for walks during the day. Kageyama stared at Hinata, as if expecting something, but he didn’t know what it was. Hinata stared back, and a moment passed between them.   
   
 Until Hinata’s stomach growled.   
   
 “I’m hungry!”   
   
 “We ate only a few hours ago!”   
   
 “I’m hungry!” Hinata bounced on his feet. “Is the burger place still open? Still where it used to be?”   
   
 “Yes.”   
   
 “Awesome! I’ll race you there! Loser has to buy the winner burgers!”   
   
 Kageyama stared at him, frowning a little bit. “No.”   
   
 “What?” Hinata paused. “Why not?”   
   
 “I… don’t want to.”   
   
 “You don’t want to race me?”   
   
 “No.”   
   
 “Why?”   
   
 “I just don’t want to.” Kageyama’s frown intensified before it melted away. “…Sorry.”   
   
 Hinata blinked, feeling his shoulders fall at his sides. He tilted his head a little and bit his lip. “Kageyama, are you, uh… you know, like? Um?”   
   
 Kageyama tilted his head, narrowing his eyes.   
   
 “Ah, you’re too poor to buy me a burger and you know you’re gonna lose since we haven’t raced in so long!”   
   
 Kageyama launched his hand and grabbed Hinata’s head.   
   
 “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”   
   
 Kageyama glared.   
   
 “I’m gonna go bald, Kageyama!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 When they got to the burger place, Kageyama ordered the biggest burger—same as Hinata—despite his earlier protests. They sat side by side on a table meant for four people. The restaurant didn’t mind since it wasn’t a busy time of the day, and all the tables were free.   
   
 Hinata loved the familiar taste, which was even better than he remembered it. His burger was loaded with too many toppings and half of them fell out, but that didn’t matter because he could just use a fork to eat them later.   
   
 Kageyama’s burger was no different, and he ate with equal vigor, but he was quiet as he ate.   
   
 No, not just quiet.   
   
 Hinata didn’t know how to describe it.   
   
 Kageyama stopped eating at one point, and made some strained noise through his nose, kind of like a huff. “I’ve just been…” He chewed his lip for a sec. “Low on energy lately. Tired. That’s all.”   
   
 Hinata straightened his back, realising he must’ve been obvious with his staring. He went back to eating. Kageyama didn’t say anything else, and Hinata didn’t push it.   
   
   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.  
   
 You were hurting.   
   
 You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.   
   
 You didn’t tell me._    
   
   
   
 The sun had gone down, and Hinata shivered. He forgot that, despite the blazing warm days of the summer, nights could get frosty in his hometown. They walked home, walking to Kageyama’s house. They didn’t talk or discuss it, but their feet led the way, and when they noticed the direction they were going it was obvious where the destination was.   
   
 Hinata shivered again, in the night, wishing he had brought a sweater.   
   
 He looked up to the sky, so full of stars, and he paused. He made a soft noise, and smiled.   
   
 Kageyama paused as well, looking up. “What?”   
   
 “It’s just… so pretty.”   
   
 “What is?”   
   
 “The stars.”   
   
 Kageyama looked up, frowning. “Do they not have stars overseas?”   
   
 Hinata looked down, right at him.   
   
 Kageyama looked down as well. “What.”   
   
 “Kageyama, can I ask…? Are you stupid?”   
   
 “What!? How would I know!? I’ve never been overseas!”   
   
 Hinata snorted, hugging his sides as he erupted with laughter.   
   
 “SHUT UP, DUMBASS!”   
   
 Hinata, of course, kept laughing.   
   
 Kageyama spun and kicked at him.   
   
 Hinata jumped back, dodging, hands up, smiling. “There’s stars everywhere!”   
   
 “Then why are you so surprised to see the stars!”   
   
 “Because!” Hinata lowered his attack stance and looked up again. “Where I was, it was like a big city… lots of tall buildings, lots of light… Light pollution. The stars were there, but…” His eyes softened as he looked at the night sky, deep blues and purples dotted with crystalline little lights. “There were stars, but you can’t see them.”   
   
 “The buildings are tall enough to block stars.”   
   
 “The  _light,_  Kageyama! The  _light!_ ”   
   
 “That doesn’t make any sense! You’re making this up!”   
   
 “No I’m not! It’s light pollution!”   
   
 “Light doesn’t make pollution! Plastic makes pollution! Fossil fuels! Stop making this up!”   
   
 “I’m not making this up!”   
   
 “Yes you are! You’re a dumbass! You almost failed science two years ago!”   
   
 “Yeah but you  _actually_  failed science two years ago!”   
   
 “SHUT UP, DUMBASS!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Somehow, along their walk, Hinata reached out and grabbed Kageyama’s hand. Hinata was sure to keep his eyes down low, not wanting to see what kind of face Kageyama was making. He felt Kageyama’s hand seize up in his, and relax. They were holding hands. Hinata mentally heard Kenma’s voice whisper  _achievement unlocked_  and he smiled.   
   
 He was surprised Kageyama didn’t push him away.   
   
 They just kept walking, not saying a thing.   
   
 It felt good, warm.   
   
 Softly, Hinata squeezed Kageyama’s hand, and he felt Kageyama squeeze back.   
   
 He smiled, feeling his face get hot. He didn’t dare look, but he had a feeling Kageyama was blushing too.   
   
   
   
   
   
 “Ah, Shrimpy!” Oikawa instantly cupped his chin and pushed his jaw up, tilting his head to inspect. “Who cut your hair? You got it done while you were over there?”   
   
 Hinata beamed a smile and nodded. “Yup!”   
   
 Kageyama, ignoring them, took off his shoes as he stepped into the front entrance of their small home. He didn’t say anything, never really did when Oikawa and Hinata spoke. He mostly just stayed out of it and waited until it was over, so he could go to his room with Hinata.   
   
 Oikawa hummed appreciatively. “It’s cute. I like it.”   
   
 “I got pictures!” Hinata said as he pulled out his phone. “Of what it looked like when he just cut it, so maybe you could try it too?”   
   
 “Lemme see.”   
   
 Hinata showed the pictures, from all angles, and Oikawa hummed thoughtfully. Hinata looked at him. “You think you can cut it like that?”   
   
 “Of course! I’m not the best hairdresser in town for nothing!” Oikawa winked. “And, speaking of pictures, apparently  _someone_  took a lot of pictures of Shrimpy over here.”   
   
 Kageyama blinked. “What.”   
   
 “Iwa-chan said your pics today were more mandarin than dog!”   
   
 “Oh. He was in the way.”   
   
 “You sure you didn’t just want to save them, Tobio?”   
   
 “I already deleted them,” he lied. Deciding not to wait, he walked towards his room.   
   
 Hinata watched him go and then looked between the two of them. “Are you two…?” He squinted. “Getting along?”   
   
 Oikawa laughed, louder than he should’ve. “I can’t get along with my dumb little baby brother?”   
   
 “Um, Tooru?”   
   
 “Yeah?”   
   
 “Um… Kageyama…” Hinata lowered his voice a bit as he spoke, “He’s been… different, lately… Kind of… low energy…”   
   
 “Ah, well… Shrimpy, I’m not really sure where to start. You left for a year, right? To study overseas? I’m sure you got along with everyone, made new friends, had a blast… Tobio, though…” Oikawa took small breath as he glanced away. “He… He had a rough time. Being without you, being alone… He didn’t really handle it well… at all.”   
   
 Hinata’s eyes softened, lips pursing into a tight pout. He glanced again, to where Kageyama went, and he felt that warm thud grow cold and heavy, weighing him down.   
   
 “He’s fine now,” Oikawa added, but Hinata wasn’t listening.   
   
 Hinata walked away, towards Kageyama’s room and peeked in.   
   
 Kageyama hadn’t…   
   
 Kageyama didn’t…   
   
 But then again, Hinata thought, he didn’t exactly have a blast either, but…   
   
 Kageyama was on his bed, on his back, holding his phone up and tapping it as if playing some game. He didn’t bother glancing at Hinata, just made an angry huff. “What took you so long?”   
   
 “Ah, uh, nothing!” Hinata joined him on the bed, on his back, looking up and watching him play a game he had never seen before. “I just, uh… You and Tooru, you used to  _hate_  each other. Like  _that_  could be considered  _nice_  compared to how you guys talked to each other before.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 Hinata looked away. “I mean I guess I should be happy – I was the one that said you should be nice to your brother!”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Even if he’s just a step-brother.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “It’s not like he wanted you in his life either.”   
   
 “…Ah.”   
   
 “But it’s just…” Hinata nudged him. “It’s weird. Seeing that.”   
   
 “Mm.” Kageyama’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he made a subtle frown. “A lot happened in the last year.”   
   
 “Oh.”   
   
 “Not everything’s the same as before.”   
   
 “R-Right,” Hinata murmured.   
   
 “Things are different now.”   
   
 “That makes sense!”   
   
 Kageyama kept playing his game, and Hinata watched. From what Hinata could see, Kageyama was winning. When he won the match, he got an MVP Badge but didn’t seem phased by it. Hinata already wanted the MVP Badge and he didn’t even know what game it was – he just knew it meant Kageyama was the best player, out of what seemed like ten people, so that was kind of a big deal, right?   
   
 Kageyama started the next round, and played.   
   
 Hinata watched and rolled over a bit to lean on him a bit.   
   
 Kageyama froze for a second, glancing at him.   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 Hinata pokerfaced, pretending he was doing it for a better view.   
   
 Kageyama relaxed and focused on his game (and Hinata would dare say Kageyama seemed to lean a bit into him as well).   
   
 “Kageyama…?”   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “A lot of things changed but… we’re still best friends, right?”   
   
 Kageyama just scowled. “Shut up, you dumbass.”   
   
 Hinata grinned. “That’s a yes isn’t it?”   
   
 Kageyama did his best to keep his scowl up, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.   
   
 Hinata didn’t push it, just glanced back at the game, and smiled too.


	2. Summer

 “Let’s go out!”   
   
 Kageyama lifted his head from the pillow and blinked. “Why are you in my house?”   
   
 “C’mon, Kageyama! Wake up!”   
   
 About thirty minutes—a quick shower, a small brawl over Hinata trying to peek at his abs, and a glass of water—later, Hinata triumphantly led the way through the wide streets of their little hometown, a yawning Kageyama behind him, hands in his pockets, still confused as to what they were doing.   
   
 Hinata puffed up his chest and sang a happy little song about how he’d gotten Kageyama out of bed and back into the world and how Hinata is the coolest and Kageyama is dumb and—   
   
 Kageyama kicked him.   
   
 “Gwha!” Hinata fell over and rolled once. He looked up. “Hey!”   
   
 Kageyama yawned again and rubbed his tired eyes. “Where are we going?”   
   
 “Out!”   
   
 “Where?”   
   
 “Let’s get breakfast! Don’t worry, Kageyama. I’ll pay for you, since you’re too poor to pay for anything.”   
   
 “I can pay for myself, dumbass.”   
   
 Hinata got up and smiled. “You used to get up early all the time, so why are you so tired now?”   
   
 “You used to sleep in until the afternoon…” Kageyama gave his default frown. “Why are you so awake now?”   
   
 “Jet lag! My hours are all screwed up!”   
   
 Kageyama thought about it and hummed. Hinata was lagging behind a jet? Made sense. He gave another sleepy yawn and walked past Hinata, not caring that he didn’t know where they were going. In their small town, all the food places were near each other, and food sounded pretty good about now.   
   
 Of course, with it being six in the morning, the only thing open was a café that dealt with the morning rush, but they had some breakfast sandwiches and that was fine with both of them. Kageyama ordered a steamed milk, with one pump of vanilla, and an egg and double smoked bacon sandwich. Hinata, instantly feeling intimidated by such an adult order, quickly scanned the coffee drinks to order something even more ‘adult’, but by the time it was his turn to order he just went with what he was going to order before, an orange juice and the breakfast wrap.   
   
 When they got their food and drinks, they sat at a small table and Hinata smiled as he sat across Kageyama.   
   
 Kageyama, looking much more awake (much more  _alive_ ) after a few bites of his sandwich, blinked and looked back at Hinata. “What?”   
   
 “Nothing.” Hinata grinned. “I miss you.”   
   
 Kageyama frowned (though Hinata saw that tint of pink on his cheeks).   
   
 Hinata leaned his head on his arm as he watched Kageyama, taking in all the details he hadn’t noticed before. It was strange – they had been best friends, since preschool, they should know everything about each other… and yet. And, yet. Hinata noticed a lot of things he hadn’t before. The width of Kageyama’s shoulders, the sharpness of his jaw, the features of his face that were so… Not rough, but? Hinata didn’t have the right words for it.   
   
 Kageyama wasn’t the baby faced kid he used to be, and Hinata  _knew_  that, but the time apart made him realise just how much Kageyama had matured, and his thoughts led him to how much Kageyama’s  _body_  must have matur—   
   
 Hinata shook his head wildly, like a dog trying to shake off rain.   
   
 Kageyama didn’t even blink, just took another bite of his sandwich.   
   
 Hinata took a big chomp of his wrap and made a happy noise. With his mouth full, he said, “I’s goo’!”   
   
 Kageyama nodded before he sipped his steamed milk.   
   
 Hinata’s eyes dropped to Kageyama’s lips and his heart fluttered for a moment, wondering what it would be like to kiss those.  _God,_  Hinata thought to himself,  _It’s stupid how gorgeous he is…_    
   
 Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him, but Hinata just laughed. Kageyama took another bite of his sandwich.   
    
    
  

* * *

   
    
  Chapter 2:  _Summer_    
   
  

* * *

  
    
    
    
  On the walk home, Hinata put his hands behind his head and smiled. “That was fun.”   
   
 “Hah?” Kageyama frowned. “You didn’t even say anything the entire time we ate. You just stared at me.”   
   
 “Ah, did I?”   
   
 “Yes, you did.”   
   
 “Oh, sorry!” Hinata chuckled to himself. “Kageyama, let’s hang out. I missed you!”   
   
 “You saw me yesterday.”   
   
 “I spent  _ten months_  abroad,” he pointed out. “I’m gonna need a lot more than just seeing you one day!”   
   
 “Shut up.” Kageyama looked away, face heating to a red. “Stop saying all this weird stuff!”   
   
 “Ah, sorry Kageyama! I forgot you’re bad at having friends!”   
   
 “Shut up!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Half an hour later, Kageyama was lying on his back, on his bed, playing the game he had been playing the night before. Hinata watched again and frowned when Kageyama, again, was rewarded with the MVP Badge. He nudged Kageyama twice. “What game is this?”   
   
 Kageyama tapped his screen twice and didn’t look away as he said, “Moba.”   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “Moba.”   
   
 “What does that mean?”   
   
 “Like… League, or DOTA. You have a hero… there’s three lanes… five versus five.” Kageyama tapped a skill and killed two enemy heroes. “Except it’s on the phone, which means everyone sucks. Because if they wanted to play seriously, they would play on their computer, where the games are more complicated.”   
   
 Hinata made an ‘ooo’ noise and watched. “Maybe I can play.”   
   
 “Yeah, you would suck like everyone else.”   
   
 Hinata squirmed at that and leaned on Kageyama a bit as he watched, not completely understanding but also starting to get the game a bit. “So why don’t you play on your laptop if you’re so good?”   
   
 “Too stressful,” he murmured.   
   
 “Stressful?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 Hinata nudged him. “What does that mean?”   
   
 “Everyone in the clans take the game too seriously. They yell at you even if it’s not your fault. I don’t mind competition, but… I don’t want to play  _that_  competitively. I just want to play casual, so…”   
   
 Hinata gasped. “You’re gonna get hit by that tower!”   
   
 Kageyama’s hero activated some kind of shield, and then destroyed the tower.   
   
 Hinata made a squawk noise and grinned. “Wow, you survived that!”   
   
 “We already won this one,” Kageyama murmured. “One of the enemies disconnected. That happens all the time. Sometimes because of bad internet connection, or some idiot forgets to charge his phone before he gets in the match. So right now it’s five on four, and—” He was interrupted by a beep and buzz from his phone.   
   
 Hinata saw the notification was an alarm labelled ‘Walk the dogs’, so he turned to Kageyama and was about to say something, but it was only then he realised how close they were. He could probably kiss Kageyama’s cheek right now, if he had a bit more courage.   
   
 The game announced,  _”YOU WIN!”_  and then shortly after said,  _”MVP!”_    
   
 Kageyama tapped the screen twice, getting his reward, then he closed the app. “Let’s go.”   
   
 “Ah!” Hinata backed away from him. “Right! Let’s go!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 It was a rinse repeat of yesterday with Kageyama getting the leashes on the two big dogs. Kageyama offered Hanamaki’s leash to Hinata this time, though, and Hinata took it. “Hold on to it tight,” Kageyama warned. “Matsukawa’s worse, but they both like trying to break free to make us run after them. They won’t actually escape, but they might get hurt. Cars and stuff.”   
   
 “Right,” Hinata said with a nod.   
   
 They walked in silence, side by side, and Hinata smiled.   
   
 It wasn’t that he disliked Yamaguchi, or Tsukishima, or Yachi – not at all, but… Times like this… Times where it was just him and Kageyama… Hinata smiled bright and had a little skip in his step as he walked side by side with Kageyama, not saying anything, not needing to say anything.   
   
 When they got to the dog park, Kageyama took off the leashes of the dogs and let them run wild.   
   
 Hinata chased and played with them for a long time.   
   
 Eventually the two dogs found someone who wanted to play with them too, and he pet them lots and called them good boys, but Hinata was a little nervous because the one petting their dog – Lev, they learned his name was – had a friend in a wheelchair that looked a little sickly, delicate.   
   
 Yaku, his name was, pet the dogs too, and was surprised for a moment. “They’re really gentle.”   
   
 “They know,” Kageyama murmured. When he got the three of them looking at him, he realised he needed to elaborate and gave an awkward cough. “I mean… dogs know, to be gentle, with some people… When Oikawa – uh, my step-brother, was injured… a couple years ago, the dogs – they belong to his best-friend, Iwaizumi, I’m just walking them… The dogs were really gentle around him. I think dogs know…” He looked away for a bit.   
   
 Yaku smiled as he played with Hanamaki’s mane. “It sounds like you like dogs a lot.”   
   
 “Mm.” Kageyama nodded. “They’re easy to understand.”   
   
 “And what?” Hinata grinned. “People aren’t for you?”   
   
 Kageyama glared at him.   
   
 Hinata laughed.   
   
 Kageyama tried his best to hide the little smile on his face as he took a seat. They watched Lev run around with Matsukawa in the distance. “Iwaizumi goes jogging with his dogs every morning, but he’s not here right now… I don’t have the energy to go jog in the mornings, so…”   
   
 Hinata took a seat as well, listening.   
   
 “Well.” Yaku stopped petting Hanamaki to glance over to Lev. “My boyfriend needs to let out a lot of energy, too, so I get it.”   
   
 Hinata perked up a bit. “Do you two have a dog?”   
   
 “Ah, not yet.” Yaku smiled. “We’re thinking of getting one, but for now Lev just likes going to the dog park a lot. Lev!” he called out, “We should head back! Your sister’s coming for lunch!”   
   
 Lev seemed both excited and disappointed by that. He ran back with Matsukawa and said, “Okay!” He walked around to Yaku’s wheelchair and made sure the locks were off before he pushed it a bit, letting the wheels roll over the uneven grass terrain. “It was nice meeting you guys! And your dogs! I love them! Bye!”   
   
 “Bye!” Hinata waved.   
   
 Kageyama murmured, “Bye.”   
   
 Yaku just smiled.   
   
 The dogs laid down in the grass in front of them, and there was a cool breeze.   
   
 Hinata looked up and smiled. “Boyfriends, huh? It’s nice to see them so open about it.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Stop just ‘ah’ing me!”   
   
 Kageyama frowned and stared at him.   
   
 “It’s okay, Kageyama.” Hinata put a hand on his arm. “I’ll let you be my boyfriend if you want, because I’m so nice.”   
   
 Kageyama grabbed his head.   
   
 “Ow! Ow! Ow! Kageyama I’m gonna go bald! Bald!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hinata didn’t know where the hours went, but they stopped for ice cream on their way home. Hinata got chocolate-vanilla swirl soft serve on a chocolate waffle cone, while Kageyama got a vanilla milkshake. They stopped at the beach as the sun was setting. Hinata sat atop a tall overturned log, licking his ice cream, while Kageyama stood on the sand, back against the log, sipping his drink.   
   
 The sky was melting into pinks and reds as the sun dipped over the horizon.   
   
 Hinata smiled. “We used to spend summer like this every year.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Just doing nothing, you know? Making memories.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “I wonder if we should do something special this year.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Hey, is there anything you wanna do?”   
   
 Kageyama glanced at him.   
   
 “Like a bucket list or something?”   
   
 “Not really.”   
   
 “Come on,” Hinata murmured. “Stop being so boring.”   
   
 Kageyama frowned and glanced back to the horizon. “It’s too much effort.”   
   
 Hinata blinked, feeling as though he’d hit a nerve. He finished off his waffle cone and hummed. “It’s okay, you know? To not have a bucket list.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 Hinata sighed.   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “Kageyama! You’re a dumbass!”   
   
 “HAH!?” Kageyama yelled loud enough it echoed.   
   
 And for some reason, Hinata laughed.   
   
 “Dumbass!” Kageyama reached out to grab him.   
   
 Hinata dodged, and then ran—   
   
 Kageyama yelled as he chased him home, sipping his milkshake angrily while racing him.   
   
   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.  
   
 You were hurting.   
   
 You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.   
   
 You didn’t tell me._    
   
   
   
 Their run halted to a walk after about five or ten minutes—leaving them both out of breath and huffing. There was a silent warmth between them as they walked the rest of the way to Kageyama’s home. By the end, though, Hinata’s smile had dipped a little, not having the same amount of sunshine in it. The sun was down, sky dark blue, moon hidden behind a couple clouds—Hinata shivered a little and paused when they got to Kageyama’s door.   
   
 Kageyama blinked and stared at him, tilting his head.   
   
 “Um, I uh?” Hinata looked up and forced a smile. “I had fun today… Sorry for dragging you around.”   
   
 Kageyama squinted, then gave a quick glance to the door and back to Hinata. “Aren’t you coming in?”   
   
 “Ah, oh, uh, um… Can I?”   
   
 Kageyama’s look softened for a moment, and he made a face Hinata hadn’t seen in a while.   
   
 No anger, just pure confusion.   
   
 Kageyama tilted his head a little. His face was scrunched up, as if he was trying to imagine a colour he had never seen before.   
   
 Hinata gave a little laugh, not really sure why, but he did. “Never mind! I just, don’t want to… you know – bother you, or something.”   
   
 Kageyama just murmured, “Dumbass,” before opening the door and leaving it open as he stepped in.   
   
   
   
   
   
 They found themselves in their usual spot, lying down on Kageyama’s bed. Kageyama’s phone in the air, Hinata leaning on him a little. The only thing breaking the silence between them was Kageyama’s phone announcing each kill (and double kill) that Kageyama got, which was pretty often.   
   
 There was a knock on the door.   
   
 Hinata sat up.   
   
 Oikawa stood at the doorway, wearing an apron. “Shorty-pie, you staying for dinner?”   
   
 “Yes please!”   
   
 Oikawa smiled and waved as he walked off. “Be sure to tell your mum.”   
   
 “Will do!”   
   
 Kageyama tapped another button, getting a triple kill.   
   
 Hinata laid back down, and then moved onto his side, carefully putting an arm around Kageyama’s chest.   
   
 Kageyama paused, glancing at him.   
   
 Hinata’s cheeks warmed and he pursed his lips, avoiding eye contact.   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes glanced back up when his hero was killed, but he didn’t seem concerned. “Hinata?”   
   
 “Is, this okay? Kageyama?”   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 “Kageyama?”   
   
 “Sure.”   
   
 Hinata relaxed, and felt Kageyama do the same. He looked up at the game and smiled. There was a message from a player on Kageyama’s team that read,   
   
  _lol sorry my phone died. im back now_    
   
 Hinata laughed. “Your teammates are awful.”   
   
 “They must be like you.”   
   
  _“Hey!”_    
   
 Kageyama just smirked.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hinata couldn’t really talk about it—no, that wasn’t true. He just, didn’t want to talk about it. The way it felt right when he rested next to Kageyama. A simple arm over his chest, half a hug… it felt right. It felt so right, felt so  _damn_  right. To Hinata, it felt right, it felt warm, it felt safe… He just had no goddamn idea if Kageyama felt it too. He assumed yes, because Kageyama seemed to relax a bit more as he leaned a little bit closer to him. It almost felt like he was falling into something, the way his weight slowly became one with Kageyama’s.   
   
 He said nothing though.   
   
 Then again, Kageyama didn’t say anything either. For all the bantering and talking they did, they never spoke much about serious things. Hinata remembers once, when he was five he tripped when playing in the rain, scraping his knee. Kageyama angrily grabbed his hand and took him to his mom, so she could clean up the scrapes on his knee. Kageyama didn’t say anything, Hinata had only sniffled a little, but it was silent between them until it was over.   
   
 They had held hands, though.   
   
 Hinata felt a warm thud from the memory alone.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Oikawa served dinner, with extra garnish and flourish, for them all. It was a rich thick curry in one pot, bright orange and garnished with dark green herbs. A plate of rice was on the side, as was a dark red homemade spicy sauce, and a small bowl of yogurt. He had also made a salad, with deep greens and small pearls of soft white cheese, as well as spring rolls and toasted bread.   
   
 Hinata made excited noises as he saw the array of foods, bringing his hands up as he practically vibrated.   
   
 Kageyama looked unimpressed.   
   
 Oikawa ignored Kageyama, entirely, and smiled at Hinata. “Lord, I remember how much you two eat, so eat up. I made lots. It’s your favourite isn’t it?”   
   
 “Yup!”   
   
 “Then dig in!”   
   
 Hinata served himself a heaping amount of rice then topped it with curry, while Kageyama went first for the spring rolls. Oikawa let them fill their plates before he did the same.   
   
 “So, Shorty, how’s it like coming back home?”   
   
 “Good!” Hinata beamed. “I missed home so much when I was over there.”   
   
 “Did you have fun?”   
   
 “Yeah!” he lied.   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun, it was just…   
   
 Hinata shook his head, shaking the thoughts away. “It was good! I went to all these new places, and I barely understood the language, but I did my best, and all the teachers were so nice! I’m kinda sad I came home, but also it’s… good to be home, too. You know?”   
   
 “Yup.” Oikawa laughed. “Ushiwaka says the same thing whenever he comes home from volleyball competitions.”   
   
 “Is he away on one now?”   
   
 “Sadly,” Oikawa sighed dramatically. “And Iwa-chan is off in the middle of nowhere, taking pictures of  _bugs_. Gross. At least Ushiwaka has the decency to go somewhere with wi-fi so I can facetime him.”   
   
 “Wah!” Hinata practically vibrated. “That’s so cool that you have two boyfriends, Tooru!”   
   
 “Mm.” Kageyama paused with a spring roll almost in his mouth. He moved it away and murmured, “They both hate him.”   
   
 “That’s not true—they don’t hate me!” Oikawa backed up. “So mean!”   
   
 Hinata gasped. “Your boyfriends hate you?”   
   
 “They do.”   
   
 “Tobio shut up you don’t know anything!”   
   
 “They complain about him all the time.”   
   
 “Tobio!”   
   
 “Iwaizumi says he talks too much, while Ushijima says he’s high maintenance.”   
   
 “That’s only because Iwa-chan doesn’t talk enough, and damn right I’m high maintenance – do you see how pretty I am? I should be well maintained!”   
   
 Hinata laughed, unapologetically. “Looks like they’re both mean to you, huh?”   
   
 “Hmph.” Oikawa used a spoon to mix his rice and curry. “They can complain all they want; when they’re actually here, they both tell me to shut up and cuddle them so that just means they’re big babies who can’t admit how much they adore and need me.”   
   
 “Right, right.” Hinata nodded. “I agree!”   
   
 Kageyama glanced at him. “Why.”   
   
 Hinata looked at him. “You’re mean to me all the time but you like me a lot, don’t you?”   
   
 Kageyama’s cheeks warmed to a pink and he murmured, “Dumbass!” as he began shoveling the curry in his mouth.   
   
 Oikawa raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly.   
   
 Hinata just laughed.   
   
 Kageyama glared.   
   
 “Hey Kageyama,” he said in a teasing voice.   
   
 “So Shorty,” Oikawa cut in, “That’s a nice hairstyle you got there.”   
   
 “Oh, yeah! I got it done overseas,” Hinata said, forgetting they had this conversation just yesterday. Distracted, they went through the same in a rinse repeat, and Kageyama would never admit he was eternally grateful for Oikawa stepping in to save him.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hinata walked home alone, tummy full of good yummy food. He checked his phone, and blinked as he saw he had a lot of messages.   
   
  **From: Mommy!!**    
 > Shouyou dear I made dinner where are you??   
 > are you okay??   
 > dinner’s in the fridge if you come home hungry just please be safe   
   
 He scrambled to quickly reply,   
   
 < sry mom!!! had dinner at kageyamas!!   
 < tooru made my fav curry   
 < but i’ll def eat some of your dinner too!!!   
   
 And it was just then he noticed another message.   
   
  **From: Kenma-cat :3**    
 > you’re back, right? let’s hang out.   
   
 Hinata smiled bright.   
   
 < yes!!!!   
   
   
   
   
   
  _Hinata served himself a heaping amount of rice then topped it with curry, while Kageyama went first for the spring rolls. Oikawa let them fill their plates before he did the same.  
   
 “So, Shorty, how’s it like coming back home?”   
   
 “Good!” Hinata beamed. “I missed home so much when I was over there.”   
   
 “Did you have fun?”   
   
 “Yeah!” he lied.   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun, it was just…   
   
 Hinata shook his head, shaking the thoughts away. “It was good! I went to all these new places, and I barely understood the language, but I did my best, and all the teachers were so nice! I’m kinda sad I came home, but also it’s… good to be home, too. You know?”_    
   
   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun,  _it was just…_    
   
   
   
   
   
 When Hinata got home, he entered quietly and began taking off his shoes, just thinking about the day. He didn’t hear the footsteps coming to greet him until there was a loud huff that made him look up.   
   
 “You just got back,” yelled Natsu, “And you spend all day outside! You won’t even play with me!”   
   
 Hinata blinked once, twice, and held his hands together in a little apology. “Ah, sorry!” He did a quick little bow. “I just wanted to see Kageyama lots and lots!”   
   
 Natsu crossed her arms and looked away, as if she was thinking about it. “That’s okay then… but you have to spend time with me too!”   
   
 “Ah, I will… but maybe tomorrow…” He yawned quite a bit and patted the back of his head. “I woke up early because of jet lag, so I’m all tuckered out.”   
   
 “You’ll probably still eat everything in the fridge first!”   
   
 “Probably!”   
   
 Natsu grinned and turned around, walking towards the kitchen. “Mom! Shouyou’s home!”   
   
 Hinata followed and smiled as he entered the hallway that led to the kitchen. “Hi mom!”   
   
 “Oh there you are,” she said as she walked over and gave him a tight hug.   
   
 Hinata hugged back. “Sorry for not letting you know I was over at Kageyama’s!”   
   
 “That’s okay.” She smiled. “I figured that’s where you were, anyway. Do you want me to reheat some food for you?”   
   
 “Yes please!”   
   
 She laughed and opened the fridge, grabbing the tupperware where she stored the leftovers.   
   
 “Shouyou,” Natsu said as she sat at the table. “What did you do today?”   
   
 “Hmmmm.” Hinata sat across from her and rested his head on his arms. “We had breakfast at a café, and then we spent some time at his place, then we walked the dogs, and we walked around town, got some ice cream, raced home again, and then we just hung out at his place.”   
   
 His mother smiled. “You know you can bring him over too. I haven’t seen him in a while.”   
   
 “Ah, will do!”   
   
 Natsu smiled. “And then all three of us can play together, right?”   
   
 “Of course! Unless you two team up on me again…”   
   
 “We won’t!”   
   
 “You will!”   
   
 “It’s been at least ten months since we’ve done that, Shouyou.”   
   
 “Hey! I’ve been gone for ten months!”   
   
 “Then you deserve both of us teaming up on you and telling you you’re a dumbass!”   
   
 “Hey! Mom! She called me a dumbass!”   
   
 “Natsu,” cooed their mother as she put a plate of microwaved food in front of Hinata, “Be nice.”   
   
 “Thanks mom!” Hinata kissed her on the cheek.   
   
 She sat next to him and smiled.   
   
 Hinata cut up the reheated chicken breast and put it in his mouth, smiling at how it was still so tender and soft. His mom’s cooking really was the best. He chewed and swallowed, then paused. “Hey mom, what would you about if like, I… uh… What, no, uh. How would you feel if I… asked Kageyama out, like… to go out with me? O-On. Like, a date?”   
   
 She stared at him, and blinked, but not with as much surprise as Hinata expected.   
   
 Natsu looked at her, unsurprised by the question.   
   
 “Well,” she whispered quietly. “You and Kageyama have always been very close…” She looked, almost, hurt. No. Sad? Only for a moment, but she smiled an honest smile.   
   
 “Ah! Sorry!” Hinata’s smile fell. “Are you sad because you really want grandkids? Don’t worry! Natsu likes boys so she’ll get you the grandkids you want!”   
   
 “No,” she said in a laugh. “I’m not sad about that. I’m not sad at all, Shouyou…” Her smile seemed forced, though. “It’s just… You two have always been so, so close… and when you were gone, it was… hard, on Kageyama. I just want him to be happy. I want you both to move on and just be happy.”   
   
 “Move on.” Hinata stared at her. “From what?”   
   
 “Just… Don’t worry about it.” She smiled. “Both of you look like you’re smiling a lot more now that you’re together again. That’s the important part. If you want to date Kageyama that’s fine by me.”   
   
 “But what did you mean about move on—”   
   
 “And,” she cut in, “You’ll adopt. So you’ll get me grandkids too!”   
   
 “Adopt?” Hinata closed his eyes and frowned. “But I don’t want kids…”   
   
 “Too bad, Shouyou, I want grandkids, from  _both_  of you.”   
   
 Natsu giggled.   
   
 Hinata pretended to think about it for a moment then huffed. “I’ll ask Kageyama what he wants.”   
   
 “Good,” she said in a smile. “You do that.”   
   
 “I will!” 


	3. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy~ 100 kudos, already. Thank you guys so much. I really hope you're enjoying this fic. The comments, the messages on tumblr, twitter, the support so far has been amazing, this fic is kind of my first venture back into the fandom, so it's been doing wonders for my anxiety. I hope you keep enjoying it!
> 
> * * *

 Kenma was that one friend Hinata had that was outside his main friend group; while Kenma had hung out with Kageyama, Yachi, Tsukki, and Yamaguchi before – he preferred just being one on one with Hinata. Likewise, Hinata had hung out with Kenma’s friends (Kai, Fukunaga, Kuroo, Tora, and others) plenty of times, and he liked them all a lot, but he just didn’t ‘click’ with them the way he did instantly with Kenma.   
   
 Hinata gwah’d as he threw himself back on one of Kenma’s body pillows of some mostly undressed cartoon man. “And he’s all, bluh, you know? Like he use to be all bwah! But now it’s just, like… gwa, I don’t know?”   
   
 Kenma hummed as he tapped away on his handheld gaming device, a little quieter than usual, but not enough for Hinata to notice.   
   
 Hinata sat up and peered at Kenma’s screen. “What are you playing? Is this a new one?”   
   
 “Came out a few months ago,” he murmured, tapping away. “It’s the next one in the series.”   
   
 “You and Kageyama game all the time! You two should play together!”   
   
 “Not really…” Kenma glanced up a bit, then back to his game. “I prefer RPGs… he prefers competitive multiplayer… so…”   
   
 “Ah, that’s totally different!”   
   
 “Mmm…”   
   
 Hinata threw himself back on the body pillow and turned to pet the chest of the sexy man. “I just don’t really know, you know? Like I hate how it feels like everyone’s keeping secrets from me? Like everyone thinks they’re so stealthy but  _man_  they’re not! I’m not that dumb!”   
   
 Kenma stole another glance.   
   
 Hinata huffed.   
   
 “So,” Kenma’s voice was always soft, “He’s been… down, lately?”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata sat up again and wiggled his toes as he put his hands together in his lap. “I just, I don’t like it…? Like what’s the big idea, anyway? So what if he’s so down? I’m gonna cheer him right back up and that’s that!”   
   
 “You don’t… really sound convinced, Shouyou.”   
   
 “Kenma!” Hinata threw his arms around him and pulled him close. His smile faded. “…I’m not though. I’m not convinced it’s that easy.”   
   
 “At, the hospital… Um,” Kenma began.   
   
 “Huh?” Hinata raised an eyebrow, looking at the unreadable expression on his face.   
   
 “It’s just… You know how I go to the hospital?”   
   
 “For your volunteering thing?”   
   
 “Mmm.”   
   
 “Yeah, what about it?”   
   
 “I saw him there.”   
   
 “Who?”   
   
 “Kageyama.”   
   
 Hinata paused. “Kageyama.”   
   
 “I saw him there, a few times.”   
   
 Hinata pulled away and stared. “Why?”   
   
 “I don’t know.”   
   
 “Why? Why didn’t you ask!?”   
   
 Kenma flinched.   
   
 “S-Sorry…” Hinata looked down. “I know you don’t like yelling, sorry I didn’t mean to…”   
   
 “It’s okay…” Kenma just nodded. “With Kageyama, it wasn’t really my place to ask… and I didn’t have much time when I saw him, was busy…”   
   
 “Why didn’t you tell me?”   
   
 “I… Well… I figured if it was serious, you already knew. I mean… if it was serious, you’d already know.”   
   
 Hinata stared at him.   
   
 It was Kenma’s turn to try to read an unreadable expression. Softly, he frowned. “What is it?”   
   
 “I…” Hinata stared back. “I don’t know.”   
   
   
 

* * *

   
   
 Chapter 3:  _Fall_    
  
 

* * *

  
   
   
   
 The basketball went from one side of the court to the other, bouncing against the asphalt ground before Kageyama jumped and took a shot. The ball arched through the air before it went through the hoop, making a ringing noise as it did. He closed his eyes and gave an appreciative nod.   
   
 “N-Nice,” murmured Hinata, pissed.   
   
 Tsukishima turned to him. “I’m pretty sure if you jumped you could’ve stopped that.”   
   
 “Ack!” Hinata frowned. “I couldn’t have done anything for that three-pointer. You’re so mean!”   
   
 “Tsukki,” chastised Yamaguchi from the sidelines.   
   
 Tsukishima just smirked.   
   
 Yachi put a hand on Hinata’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll get those points back!”   
   
 And they kept playing.   
   
 The small basketball court was across the street from a playground the five of them used to go to when they were kids. They had played basketball since they were young, two on two usually, with one person sitting out. Nowadays it was usually Yamaguchi, who used the time to sketch in his art book. They randomised the team every time, but Tsukishima and Kageyama versus Hinata and Yachi seemed to come up more often than any other combination.   
   
 Although, height-wise, they were totally dominated, Hinata and Yachi always put up a good fight, winning about one-third the time.   
   
 But it wasn’t their fault, Kageyama was just too good at things. Hinata hated that (though, secretly, he admired it as well; it made him feel warm, kinda fuzzy). It didn’t matter who Kageyama was playing with, he won more than half the time. His shots from the half-court could go in with ease and there was nothing anyone could do.   
   
 Maybe Tsukishima, but he didn’t like working harder than he had to.   
   
 It was on a water break that Kageyama tugged his shirt to cool off. The summer sun was hotter today. Eventually Kageyama decided to just take off his shirt.   
   
 Hinata had the tip of the water bottle in his mouth, but he wasn’t drinking. His eyes were focused. On Kageyama. Shirtless.  _Nice._    
   
 “Hinata,” Yamaguchi said in a whisper, “You’re being obvious.”   
   
 “Huh?” Hinata glanced at Yamaguchi. He then glanced back at Kageyama. “Wow, I just never knew how well-endowed Kageyama was.”   
   
 Tsukishima spat out water.   
   
 Yachi spun around. “H-Hinata!”   
   
 Kageyama snapped his head towards him. “What the fuck.”   
   
 “What?” Hinata sipped on his water bottle again. “Like, you got really nice abs. I know you said you started working out and—”   
   
 “Um.” Yamaguchi clasped Hinata’s shoulder. “Hinata, um. Do you… know what well-endowed means?”   
   
 “Like? Muscles? He’s got really nice muscles. And abs. He used to look like a rolled up pancake before.”   
   
 Tsukishima laughed.   
   
 Kageyama shot him a glare.   
   
 “N-N-No!” Yachi clasped Hinata’s hand. “W-W-Well e-end-d-dowed…”   
   
 “You’re saying,” Tsukishima cut in, “He has a really big dick.”   
   
 Hinata looked at Tsukishima, then to Yamaguchi, Yachi, and eventually Kageyama. His eyes dropped to Kageyama’s crotch.   
   
 Kageyama threw his water bottle—   
   
 “Ack!” Hinata felt it hit his head and he fell back. “Okay!” He landed on his ass and winced. “So I didn’t know what well-endowed meant… It’s not a big deal!”   
   
 “Right.” Kageyama put his shirt back on, pretending his cheeks weren’t heated. “Let’s just play another game!”   
   
 “Okay, okay.” Hinata stood up. “Same teams?”   
   
 “Sure,” Tsukishima murmured.   
   
 Yachi gave panicked nods.   
   
 Yamaguchi laughed and took his seat, continuing on his sketchbook as the new game started.   
   
 Kageyama was dribbling the ball defensively as Hinata tried to block his advance.   
   
 Hinata had always hated how good Kageyama was at everything. Kageyama just stayed calm, collected points, had a stupid smirk, then moved on to the next play, but it was different this time.   
   
 Kageyama didn’t really seem to celebrate his wins as much as he did before.   
   
 Hinata paused for a moment and, “Kageyama, are you having fun?”   
   
 Kageyama paused as well, stopping his dribble with the ball in both hands.   
   
 Tsukishima blinked for a second, and Yachi peeked out from behind him.   
   
 Even Yamaguchi looked up from his sketch.   
   
 Kageyama dropped the ball and—   
   
 “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”   
   
 Kageyama grabbed the top of Hinata’s head in a death grip. “Yes, dumbass!”   
   
 Yachi laughed softly. “At least some things never change.”   
   
 Tsukishima’s eyes narrowed though, not entirely convinced.   
   
   
   
   
   
 After another three matches they went to get smoothies; they enjoyed the air conditioned smoothie shop for a while, but eventually went to the beach, just lounging on a big, overturned log as they sipped their drinks. It was at some point Kageyama finished his drink (a milkshake, not a smoothie) and said he’d be right back as he went to the bathroom, that Hinata let the silence sink in.   
   
 Yachi was busy texting some older girl she was (according to Yamaguchi) crazy about, while Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were just sitting next to each other.   
   
 Hinata glanced over.   
   
 Tsukki and Yamaguchi were sitting so close, Yamaguchi leaning on Tsukki a little, Tsukki’s arm around him loosely. Yamaguchi was working on another sketch, while Tsukki seemed to be lost in thought.   
   
 Yamaguchi made a huff noise, frowning at his sketchbook. He grabbed his eraser and carefully began fixing his mistake. The frown was strange on his face, anger, inward anger; he was disappointed in himself.   
   
 Tsukishima leaned over, pressing his lips to Yamaguchi’s face.   
   
 Yamaguchi paused for a moment, hands shaking. His frown broke, and he smiled. Without thinking, he moved and caught Tsukki’s lips with his own.   
   
 Tsukishima pulled away, cheeks growing red hot.   
   
 Yamaguchi stifled his little laugh then went back to erasing, sketching again soon.   
   
 Hinata glanced back to Yachi, watching her vibrate with a blush as she texted away.   
   
 Hinata looked up at the sky and, for a moment at least, felt a little jealous? Like other people had the easy answers to life, walking in the light, while he was kept in the dark, only having questions. He felt like he should’ve known better but, “Hey.” He blinked once. “Kageyama… He’s sad, isn’t he?”   
   
 Yachi paused her texting, looking up for a moment, stunned.   
   
 Tsukishima glanced his way, but decided to say nothing.   
   
 “A-Ah,” Yamaguchi stepped in while he rubbed the back of his head. “He’s a lot happier than he used to be! I mean, you cheer him right up! You’re like sunshine to him!”   
   
 “So.” Hinata kept staring at the sky. “He was worse before, is what you’re saying.”   
   
 Yamaguchi shut his mouth.   
   
 Tsukishima glanced away.   
   
 Yachi vibrated, but out of anxiety this time as she was probably mentally searching for the right words in her head.   
   
 Hinata kept looking up, until he closed his eyes and sighed. He pulled up his knees and hugged them, lowering his chin to meet them. “Just say it… I don’t see the point in all of this, to be honest? I’m getting something happened, and none of you want to tell me, but just say it.”   
   
 Tsukishima made a ‘tch’ noise, but nothing else.   
   
 Yamaguchi looked down, forcing a smile.   
   
 Yachi glanced left and right, still searching for words.   
   
 Hinata stood up and kicked the sand. “Shit, guys!” He turned to Yachi, who flinched from the eye contact, then to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima who wouldn’t look at him. “What aren’t you telling me?” He repeated it, louder, “What aren’t you telling me!?”   
   
 “Hinata,” Tsukishima murmured quietly.   
   
 “No, shut up! Don’t give me excuses!”   
   
 Tsukishima kept his eyes low.   
   
 “Just tell me! Why is that so hard? Why the  _fuck_  are you guys dancing around this!? I know something’s up!” He waited for answers and his hands balled into fists. “Say something!”   
   
 Yachi put her head down, closing her eyes, wishing the world away.   
   
 “Talk to me!” Hinata stared. He didn’t hear answers, only the wash of waves along the beach’s shoreline. “One of you! – Talk!”   
   
 Yamaguchi took a deep breath as quietly as he could and kept his head down.   
   
 “What the hell!? I’m your friend! We’ve been friends since we were kids! You can’t trust me with something about my  _best friend_  as if I shouldn’t know or something!? What’s wrong with you guys!?”   
   
 Tsukishima looked up and his eyes burned. “Hinata. Shut up.”   
   
 “You shut up! Fuck you guys!” Hinata kicked sand at them, which caused Yamaguchi to flinch. “Fuck you guys and your stupid crap! Some friends you are! I’ve done everything I can for you guys and you guys won’t even tell me what’s going on? And,  _what,_  you want me to just sit here and pretend like I don’t know anything’s going on! Yeah! Just keep me in the dark! That’s fine! That’s what being a friend is!”   
   
 “Hinata—”   
   
 “Shut up!”   
   
 Tsukishima snapped, “You shut up! You’re acting like a goddamn brat!”   
   
 Hinata walked over and grabbed Tsukishima’s collar, yanking him down. “Listen you tall asshole! You better fucking tell me or—”   
   
 “Hinata?”   
   
 Hinata paused, glancing over his shoulder.   
   
 Kageyama looked between them, Yachi who was cowering, and Yamaguchi who was now standing and shaking.   
   
 Hinata let go of Tsukki’s collar when he shoved him away. He turned around and walked off. “Screw you guys! You’re assholes…” He grabbed Kageyama’s hand and yanked him along, leading them away from the other three.   
   
   
   
   
   
 They went to Hinata’s house after that, mostly because he had dragged Kageyama so fast he didn’t even realise where they were going until they were already there. Still drenched in sweat from the sports and the heat, they took turns taking showers in Hinata’s bathroom that he shared with Natsu. It was a common routine for them (Kageyama had a few pairs of clothes stored in Hinata’s drawers anyway, though they were a bit small now).   
   
 After his shower, Hinata crashed on his bed and ended up hugging a pillow while Kageyama showered.   
   
 Kageyama eventually showered, dried off, and dressed in a black shirt and a pair of loose shorts. He was hesitant as he got on the bed next to Hinata. There was an awkwardness to his movements; well, Hinata knew there was  _always_ awkwardness to Kags, but more than usual. Kageyama shifted to lie on his side, facing Hinata, and he asked, quietly, “What’s wrong?”   
   
 It seemed both automatic, and yet robotic. Hinata wondered if Kageyama was just repeating what he had seen other people say before.   
   
 Kageyama didn’t ask again, just stared and patiently waited for an answer.   
   
 “Nothing,” Hinata said, unconvincing and unconvinced.   
   
 Kageyama just breathed through his nose.   
   
 Hinata closed his eyes.   
   
 “You’ve only been back for a few days, and you’re already yelling at your friends…”   
   
 Hinata kept his eyes closed.   
   
 “Tsukishima I would understand… he picks on people and sometimes they snap. But Yamaguchi and Yachi… Well, um. Sometimes you  _have_  to yell at Yachi just to get through to her when she’s playing a thousand scenarios on how she’s going to die in her head…”   
   
 Hinata huffed a small laugh.   
   
 “But… Yamaguchi?”   
   
 Hinata’s smile fell.   
   
 Kageyama nudged him, just a little. “Talk. Erm. Um. Talk, to me.”   
   
 Hinata opened his eyes and looked at him. It was strange, in a way, how much he’d wanted a moment just like this, Kageyama comforting him, and… yet… now that it was here, he wanted to run away from it. He pushed his face in the blanket and (muffled) said, “It was stupid.”   
   
 Kageyama thought about it, then rolled over on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Ah.”   
   
 Hinata sighed. “What does that mean?”   
   
 “We’re… both like that.” Kageyama almost seemed to smile,  _almost._  “We… say stupid things… hurt people… get into fights… We don’t mean it, we. Just.” He closed his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in years. “It just happens, sometimes.”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata moved closer, until he rested his head on Kageyama’s chest.   
   
 Kageyama blinked and stared at him.   
   
 Hinata draped an arm over Kageyama’s stomach, closing his eyes as he pressed himself into Kageyama’s side.   
   
 Kageyama, awkwardly of course, put an arm around Hinata and pulled him a bit closer.   
   
 “I just… got so upset…” Hinata sighed. “I mean… I’m mad at them but… I, uh, probably said some things I didn’t mean… Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I don’t even remember  _what_  I even said. I just, got so mad… It was like I was seeing red.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “They’re good friends, I just…”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “I just want this to be over, you know?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “I want everything to be like before.”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Kageyama if you say ‘ah’ one more time I’ll hit you.”   
   
 “… Ah.”   
   
 With a smile, Hinata raised a fist.   
   
 Kageyama flinched.   
   
 Hinata slowed his movement and gave the gentlest punch to Kageyama’s stomach, before hugging him again. “Kageyama.”   
   
 “Yeah?”   
   
 “Can I sleep over tonight?”   
   
 Kageyama blinked and pulled away to stare at him.   
   
 Hinata blinked in return. “What?”   
   
  _“What. Did you just ask me.”_    
   
 “Can I sleep over tonight?”   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes narrowed. “D-Dumbass! How can anyone be so stupid?! Dumbass! DUMBASS!”   
   
 “Wh-WHAT!?”   
   
 “DUMBASS! YOU’RE A DUMBASS!”   
   
 “WHAT!? WHAT DID I SAY!?”   
   
 “YOU DUMBASS!” Kageyama grabbed a pillow. “THIS IS YOUR HOUSE!” He thrashed it at him, smacking him repeatedly. “DUMBASS! YOU’RE A DUMBASS!”   
   
 “I F-FORGOT! K-KAGEYAMA, I FORGOT!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 They went to dinner with Hinata’s family, to a higher end restaurant. Hinata had to be constantly reminded to mind his manners, while Kageyama seemed to be a perfect example of zoned out elegance. That would have been strange if it wasn’t common knowledge Kageyama always acted in his best behaviour around Hinata’s mother. With his own parents having ditched him on his step-brother’s door, Hinata’s mother was as much of a mum to Oikawa and Kageyama as she was to Hinata and Natsu.   
   
 And, knowing how much the boys ate, Hinata’s mom ordered four or five appetisers.   
   
 They both thanked her a little too loud, Natsu joining in too.   
   
 When they got home, Natsu  _insisted_  that they had to play with her too, and couldn’t just hide in Hinata’s room and do “boy stuff”.   
   
 (Hinata really wanted to do “boy stuff”, mostly because lately that meant laying on Kageyama, hugging him, draping an arm over his stomach. It was warm, it was safe. It smelled like home. It felt like home in a way that Hinata couldn’t explain. But the best part, or maybe the worst part, was Kageyama seemed to enjoy it. He didn’t seem to mind “boy stuff”. Or maybe he did: Maybe Kageyama did mind it, but he just didn’t say anything. Hinata had no way of knowing, and he wasn’t about to ask. The world felt too delicate for a direct question right now. He just wished they were doing “boy stuff” now.)   
   
 ((Of course it had occurred to Hinata that what Natsu had called “boy stuff” probably wasn’t what most boys did when they were doing boy stuff. Maybe Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, but he didn’t want to think about them right now.))   
   
 Kageyama put a multiplayer game in a console and grabbed some controllers. Natsu sat in his lap, while Hinata (actually jealous of his little sister) grumbled and sat a few spaces away next to him. As they played, Kageyama whispered some things in Natsu’s ear; and, while Hinata was busy trying to listen in, Natsu’s character managed some trick to kill Hinata’s.   
   
 Hinata grumbled and whined. “This is a free-for-all game! You two should be fighting each other too! Not just me!”   
   
 “No!” Natsu yelled as she defeated Hinata’s character again. “We win, you lose!”   
   
 “Natsu!”   
   
 “We win, you lose!”   
   
 “Not fair!” Hinata pouted. “Kageyama!”   
   
 Kageyama murmured, “We win, you lose.”   
   
 In the end, Kageyama let Natsu take first place, and Hinata yelled angrily as he was last place.   
   
 “You totally let her win!”   
   
 “No I didn’t,” he lied. “She’s just really good.”   
   
 “You never let me win!”   
   
 “You can’t win, you suck!”   
   
 “Hey!”   
   
 Natsu giggled to herself.   
   
 Hinata chose another character for the match and pouted. “Hey Kageyama…”   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “Do you want kids?”   
   
 “What.”   
   
 “Do you want kids?” Hinata looked at him. “Like, you and me, we could raise kids.”   
   
 Kageyama thought about it and made eye contact. “We’re too young to have kids,” he said simply. He looked back at the game. “Plus, we have Natsu right now.”   
   
 Natsu giggled again and chose her character.   
   
 Kageyama nodded appreciatively at her character choice and chose his own character as well.   
   
 Hinata looked at the screen. “But like, in the future. Do you want kids?”   
   
 “We’ll still have Natsu.”   
   
 “KAGEYAMA!”   
   
 “WHAT!?”   
   
 Natsu giggled even louder.   
   
 “I’m saying—!” Hinata huffed angrily. “You know what? I’m a dumbass for expecting a sensible answer out of you. You’re literally stupid as fuck.”   
   
 Kageyama snapped his head to Hinata. “Don’t swear in front of Natsu, you dumbass!”   
   
 “Oh my god, shut up! She’s heard it before!”   
   
 Natsu smiled. “Fuck!”   
   
 Kageyama’s glare  _intensified._    
   
 “Oh,” Hinata realised, “I’m dead aren’t I?”   
   
 “Yes you fucking are!”   
   
 “You just swore!”   
   
 Natsu grinned. “Fucking!”   
   
 Kageyama looked down at Natsu. “Oh… Fuck.”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hours later, after Hinata had been beaten seven times on the game, and then chased by Kageyama around the block because he swore again, they ended up back in Hinata’s bedroom, on his bed, cuddled up. Just as awkward as before, but easier this time. They both relaxed. Hinata nuzzled Kageyama’s chest and took in his scent, smiling.   
   
 (Hinata snickered a little, thinking about how they were now doing “boy stuff” and that means he got one up over his sister, even if his sister won a total of thirty-two games against them – but that was thanks to Kageyama. Hinata was better than Natsu, for sure. Kageyama though… he was too good. Ah well, Hinata moved a little closer. At least the “boy stuff” was good.)   
   
 Hinata smiled. Kageyama smelled nice.   
   
 “What.”   
   
 Hinata looked up. “Huh?”   
   
 “You said I smell nice.”   
   
 “I, said that out loud!”   
   
 “Is that a question?” Kageyama opened his mouth to say dumbass, but—   
   
  _”You have died!”_  Kageyama’s phone announced.   
   
 Kageyama looked back up to his game and glared. “Damnit.”   
   
 Hinata smiled and nuzzled him. “Well, you smell nice okay. Shut up.”   
   
 “I used Natsu’s soap because I didn’t want to smell like you.”   
   
 “Can you just shut up and let me be cute for like ten seconds?”   
   
 “You? Cute?” Kageyama scoffed. “No.”   
   
 “Hey! And you know what—the same soap smells different on everyone, right? It just smells nice on you, okay?”   
   
 “You’re… weird.”   
   
 Hinata paused, not liking the way that sounded. He looked up at him. “Weird?”   
   
 “I…” Kageyama stared at his phone. “Since you got back… Different. I don’t know how to explain it.”   
   
 “Me?” Hinata raised one eyebrow and gave a pout. “You’re the one that’s different.”   
   
 Kageyama didn’t deny it, but his character was revived and he began playing the game again.   
   
 “Hey, Kags?”   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “If… something bad happened to you. You’d tell me, right?” He stared at Kageyama’s face, hating how much he was appreciating how perfect it looked. “You’d tell me right? Like, you wouldn’t keep me in the dark… I mean, if it was important and stuff.”   
   
 Kageyama kept playing his game.   
   
 “Kageyama…”   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me._    
   
 He didn’t respond.   
   
 “Kageyama, please, just…” Hinata’s grip loosened around Kageyama’s waist. His voice was barely a whisper, “What happened, when I was gone?”   
   
 “Some stuff,” admitted Kageyama. “But.” He tapped the buttons on the touch screen with more speed than usual. “It’s over now. And. You’re back.” He took a soft breath. “Everything’s just like it was before.”   
   
 “But it’s not.”   
   
  _You were hurting._    
   
 Kageyama paused.   
   
 Hinata raised his head. “But it’s not. It’s really not.”   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me._    
   
 “Hinata, listen, I—” His eyes narrowed and he began tapping buttons with intensity that almost broke his phone.   
   
  _”You killed an enemy hero!”_  the game announced only to be cut off by,  _”Double kill!”_ ,  _”TRIPLE K—”, “QUADRA KILL!”—”PENTA KILL!”, “YOU ARE THE ACE!”_    
   
 “Hoo!” Hinata squeed as he turned to face the screen. “You killed five! You killed the entire enemy team! How did you do it!?”   
   
 “There’s power ups that go on by timer, and I popped my ultimate to hit all of them with two power ups.”   
   
 “Hoo! That’s so cool! Teach me how to play! Teach me to play! I wanna be the ace too!”   
   
 “SHUT UP!” Kageyama yelled, but—   
   
 But in the end, Kageyama began explaining what he was doing and why he was doing it, explaining it in unnecessary detail and Hinata listened intently to it all, both of them knowing he wouldn’t remember a thing.   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
   
   
   
   
   
 The dogs ran around them in an excited circle, forgetting (or, those trouble makers, probably knowing) that their leashes were wrapping around Kageyama like a mummy. Hinata laughed as Kageyama tripped and fell, and yelling ensued.   
   
 After a quick breakfast they had decided to walk the dogs early today since the sun was clear in the sky, not a single cloud.   
   
 “I feel like going for a run,” Kageyama admitted, and Hinata practically vibrated with excitement. (Kageyama couldn’t help but feel like Hinata was one of those trouble maker dogs, the dumbass…)   
   
 When the dogs saw Kageyama show up in running gear, they instantly knew it was going to be a good day. Hanamaki jumped up and put his paws on Kageyama’s shoulders, while Matsuwaka moved just behind Kageyama’s knees so Kageyama fell back on the soft grass in front of Iwaizumi’s house.   
   
 Hinata clapped and cheered them on, and Kageyama yelled at him for it.   
   
 Neither of them talked about how they had slept snuggled up last night, Hinata’s head in the crook of Kageyama’s neck. The warmth, the contact, the safety—the comfort. Touch. How simple it was, how much they craved it.   
   
 Neither of them talked about it.   
   
 After all they—   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 They began running with the dogs, holding on tight to the leashes. They were big dogs, and they could run pretty fast, but Kageyama and Hinata had no problem keeping up. Kageyama warned Hinata to look ahead to see if there were any intersections or crosswalks, because they needed to hold the leashes tight if there were cars. They ended up going to a small hiking trail near Iwaizumi’s house where leashes weren’t required, and the dogs knew the way through their favourite trail.   
   
 As they ran with the dogs, Hinata glanced at Kageyama.   
   
 Kageyama seemed happy, calm. His smile was subtle, but warm, as if he never had to worry about anything again.   
   
  _I want to remember this,_  Hinata thought to himself.  _I want to remember this sight._    
   
 Kageyama, so relaxed, however forgot Hinata was there until he creeped up in the corner of his vision and Kageyama suddenly yelled, jumping back. “Don’t sneak up on me, dumbass!”   
   
 “I was right next to you! For the past fifteen minutes!”   
   
 “Shut up!” Kageyama kicked him into a tree.   
   
   
   
   
   
  **From: Yachi Birb  
 To: Me, Kags, GWG (Giant With Glasses), Yamaguchguch**   
 > Let’s all hang out today!   
   
 Hinata stared at his phone as the dogs ran around the dog park. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the message.  _She knows something, and she won’t tell me._  He didn’t really think about it as he typed back.   
   
 < no we’re busy   
   
 There was no reply after that, and that was fine by him.   
   
 Kageyama, also looking at his phone, glanced at Hinata.   
   
 Hinata realised, of course, Kageyama saw his angry, abrupt message, but didn’t say anything about it.   
   
   
   
   
   
 After taking the dogs home, they decided to get something to eat. Hinata was sipping on a soft drink in a bottle, not really thinking about anything. They grabbed food at some of the outdoor stalls at the weekend market. Kageyama bought some meat on a skewer, and Hinata stole a bite. Kageyama yelled at him, but then offered it to him to steal one more bite.   
   
 “Thank you,” he said with his mouth full of stolen food.   
   
 Kageyama ate the rest of the skewer in one chomp.   
   
 Hinata paused, shocked.   
   
 Kageyama smirked as he swallowed.   
   
 Hinata swallowed as well and smiled. “Hey Kageyama.”   
   
 “What?”   
   
 “You’ve got a really nice smile.”   
   
 Kageyama frowned.   
   
 “That’s not a smile, Kageyama.”   
   
 “Hah!?” Kageyama frowned even more. “What does that mean?”   
   
 “A smile!” Hinata smiled. “One of these.” He pointed at his mouth.   
   
 “I know what a smile is!”   
   
 “You’ve got a nice one!”   
   
 “What the hell does that mean?”   
   
 “It’s a compliment, Kageyama!”   
   
 “Shut up, dumbass!”   
   
 “You should just accept the compliment!”   
   
 “No!”   
   
 “Is it because you never get compliments that you don’t know what to do with them when you finally get one?”   
   
 “Hinata! You’re a dumbass! Shut up!”   
   
 Hinata laughed, and then he moved forward and—   
   
 Kageyama blinked.   
   
 Hinata kissed him on the cheek. “I want more meat!” He got up. “Let’s go get some!”   
   
   
   
  _“We used to spend summer like this every year.”  
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Just doing nothing, you know? Making memories.”   
   
 “Ah.”_   
   
   
   
 How many hours had passed? Hinata wasn’t sure. But it was dark and he realised he had spent the whole day with Kageyama. It almost made him sad, though. As they walked home, Hinata checked his phone for the time, but realised it was out of batteries. He wanted to ask Kageyama for the time, but he ended up yawning. They walked by a coffee shop and he tugged his best friend’s arm. “Let’s go get coffee!”   
   
 Kageyama stopped and stared. “Why?”   
   
 “Because.” Hinata ran ahead and turned around, planting his feet firmly, hands behind his back. He calmed for a moment, tenderly looking Kageyama in the eyes. “I don’t want today to end.”   
   
 Kageyama’s expression softened, but it was hard to read.   
   
 “I want to spend more time with you.”   
   
 “Okay,” Kageyama said in a murmur.   
   
 Hinata smiled and walked off.   
   
 But Kageyama just sighed, as if he was disappointed.   
   
   
   
   
   
 They walked home after getting their drinks to-go; Hinata’s hand cupping the inside of Kageyama’s arm. Kageyama sipped his steamed milk with vanilla, listening to Hinata talk about something or another. Hinata decided to drink a white chocolate mocha, because he wanted to have a coffee cup too (instead of the clear bottles that juice came in). He heard Kageyama’s phone buzz and looked over to the screen.   
   
 Kageyama moved his phone away, frowning.   
   
 “Aw c’mon, someone was texting you while we were ordering too you know! Who is it?”   
   
 “Tsukishima.”   
   
 “Oh.” Hinata pouted. “Why is he texting you anyway?”   
   
 “He wants to go see a movie tomorrow, with Yamaguchi. Yachi will be there too. All of us.”   
   
 “Oh.” Hinata’s pout turned to a frown. “Am I invited?”   
   
 “You are, but…” Kageyama’s eyes narrowed a bit as he read the text. “Don’t come.”   
   
 Hinata paused his walk, causing Kageyama to stop too. His hand still cupping the inside of Kageyama’s elbow, he tugged at his sleeve. “Huh.”   
   
 “I said don’t come, tomorrow. To the movie.”   
   
 “I heard you but…”   
   
 “You’re not going to have any fun.” Kageyama looked away from his phone as he put it away, turning to Hinata instead. “You’re just going to be angry with everyone and ruin it for us.”   
   
 “Wh—” Hinata blinked twice. “That’s not true!”   
   
 “It is true.”   
   
 “It’s not true!”   
   
 “It is true!”   
   
 “Kageyama!” He tugged on his arm again and—   
   
 Kageyama whipped his arm back and shoved Hinata away.   
   
 Hinata fell back, hitting the concrete with a cry; his drink, lost from its grip, hit the ground with a splash, lid popping open, rolling away.   
   
 Kageyama glared.   
   
 Hinata sat up and returned the glare. “What the  _hell_  Kageyama?”   
   
 Kageyama screwed his eyes shut and took a sharp breath. “Stop it…”   
   
 “Kage…yama?”   
   
 “Just  _stop_  it…”   
   
 Hinata didn’t move.   
   
 “Stop it!” Kageyama yelled, “Just stop it!” He opened his eyes and his voice only got louder, “Stop  _touching_  me all the time! Stop dragging me around! You were gone for a year and you think you can do whatever you want with me!”   
   
 “Kageyama what are you—”   
   
 “And you’re getting mad at my friends! You just want me to yourself! Isolated! As if whatever I want doesn’t matter!”   
   
 Hinata rushed to get to his feet. “Th-That’s not—”   
   
 “You just want me to yourself like I’m your plaything!”   
   
 “I really don’t think you’re using that word right, I—”   
   
  _“Dumbass!”_    
   
 It came out like a roar, like a blizzard: Ice cold. It reminded Hinata of their first few days in preschool, when Kageyama used to say it that way. Not like the way he usually did. It must’ve been crazy, but Hinata was pretty sure the way Kageyama usually said  _dumbass_  was his way of saying  _I love you,_  warm, and bright, and full of love and life.   
   
 Now, in the dead of the night, Kageyama’s roar echoed through the dark sky, and Hinata felt small, smaller than he ever did.   
   
 “Why are you so… controlling?” Kageyama’s scowl burned. “Why can’t you just fuck off? Why don’t you go bother your other friends or talk to the people overseas, why are you so obsessed with me? Why do you need my attention?”   
   
 “K-Kageyama…” Hinata reached out, like a weak child, to clasp Kageyama’s arm. “Wait, it’s not like that I—”   
   
 “—And!” Kageyama shoved Hinata to the floor again, his own drink going flying in the process. “Stop  _touching_  me! Stop fucking touching me!”   
   
 Hinata cried out as he hit the floor, shaking.   
   
 “Why are you so…” Kageyama’s eyes softened and he shook his head, not saying anything more as he turned around and walked off.   
   
 Hinata stayed on the ground until Kageyama disappeared entirely from his sight. He forced his knees up and hugged them tight. “Because I… Because…” He closed his eyes.  _Because I’m worried? Because I need to know? Because I—_ “Because I missed you…”  _Because I love…_  


	4. Winter

 Hinata tried calling him on his phone, and with each long dial tone his heart sank. He didn’t leave a message, because he knew Kageyama wouldn’t bother listening to it, but he tried calling three times. On the third, it went straight to voicemail and he figured Kageyama either turned off his phone or blocked his number. Hell, he shouldn’t have been surprised.   
   
 He managed to wait two hours before calling again.   
   
 Nothing.   
   
 He wanted to call right away, but he figured a bit of space would help… not that it would help much. Not that anything would help much.   
   
   
 

* * *

   
   
 Chapter 4:  _Winter_    
  
 

* * *

  
   
   
   
 Hinata served himself a heaping amount of rice then topped it with curry, while Kageyama went first for the spring rolls. Oikawa let them fill their plates before he did the same.   
   
 “So, Shorty, how’s it like coming back home?”   
   
 “Good!” Hinata beamed. “I missed home so much when I was over there.”   
   
 “Did you have fun?”   
   
 “Yeah!” he lied.   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun, it was just…   
   
 Hinata shook his head, shaking the thoughts away. “It was good! I went to all these new places, and I barely understood the language, but I did my best, and all the teachers were so nice! I’m kinda sad I came home, but also it’s… good to be home, too. You know?”   
   
   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun,  _it was just…_    
   
   
   
   
   
 His heart wasn’t really with him. That was the only way Hinata knew how to describe how he felt. The day after (after not sleeping at all) he convinced his mom that he was just kind of worn out and didn’t want to go out today. He had a feeling she suspected something, but she let it slide. The whole day he shut himself in his room, with his laptop, and watched stupid videos on the internet that made him feel guilty for wasting his time.   
   
 Not that there was anything to do, anyway.   
   
 He ignored texts from Kenma; and, unsurprisingly, he didn’t get any messages from any of his other friends.   
   
 He spent another day in bed, with the blinds down and the covers over his head.   
   
 He felt sick of doing nothing after that, and the next morning he made himself a quick breakfast at one in the afternoon.   
   
 His mother leaned on the island kitchen counter and watched him cook. She kept in her urge to sigh. “Are you making food?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Can you make some for me and Natsu too?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Making eggs?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 “Do you think you could make some bacon too?”   
   
 “Ah.”   
   
 She sighed, letting it out. “Honey, what’s wrong?”   
   
 Hinata grabbed the bacon from the fridge and began preparing another pan. “Kageyama and I,” he murmured without looking at her. “We had an, argument.”   
   
 She said nothing.   
   
 Natsu, however, laughed at that. “You guys got into another fight, huh?”   
   
 Hinata didn’t say anything, just put the strips of meat on the pan, watching them sizzle.   
   
 Natsu’s smile faded after that and she blinked.   
   
 Their mother moved her hair out of her eyes. “Sounds like it was bad.”   
   
 “Ah,” Hinata murmured. “…It was really bad, I think.”   
   
 She took a soft breath.   
   
 Hinata transferred some eggs to a plate and cracked more for the rest of the family. He added a pinch of salt and pepper, and flipped the bacons using tongs.   
   
 “Shouyou,” murmured Natsu. “You’re dumb!”   
   
 Hinata blinked, glancing to her.   
   
 “Shouyou just got here and he’s already having fights with everyone! He’s so dumb!”   
   
 “Natsu,” their mother chastised. She turned to Hinata and forced a smile. “What was it about, hun?”   
   
 “Oh, um.” Hinata felt his cheeks warm so he faced the food and didn’t look away. “I…” His heart felt too heavy. “I don’t think Kageyama wants to date me.”   
   
 Their mom’s forced smile didn’t falter.   
   
 Hinata moved the eggs around in the pan a bit.   
   
 There was silence, save for the sizzling and—   
   
 Natsu huffed, crossing her arms. “Shouyou! Don’t be stupid of course he wants to date you! All Kageyama talked about for  _two weeks_  was you! Hitoka told me herself! He confirmed your flight seven times and he kept saying the first thing you’ll do is go to the noodle place, then the burger place, and how you’ll watch him play video games and go to the beach with him! And how you’ll tag along with the dogs even though he never invited you, and he’s going to pretend to be angry but he wants you there!”   
   
 Hinata paused, forgetting about the food for a second.   
   
 “Kei and Tadashi told me too!” Natsu stomped her feet. “Tadashi said his eyes sparkled for the first time in forever when he talked about you!”   
   
 “Natsu…” Hinata sighed.   
   
 “And don’t burn the food, Shouyou!”   
   
 “Ah!” Hinata began transferring from pan to plates, sighing. He didn’t know what to say to all of that, but after they got to the dining room table Hinata just shrugged. “I don’t think Kageyama wants me around. I don’t know what he said, or why he said it… but I came back and I think… I think I was dumb for thinking he and I would just be like old times…”   
   
 Natsu opened her mouth, but she didn’t know what to say.   
   
 Their mother just ate quietly, letting silence fall.   
   
   
   
   
   
 At night, Hinata was sick of being home all day, so he put on a black hoodie and walked to the convenience store. It was ten minutes away but it was a nice walk. He took a careful deep breath of the night air, and closed his eyes, letting his feet walk for him.   
   
 When he got there, he entered and walked to where they kept the junk food. He grabbed a small bag of his favourite chips, and grabbed a can of his favourite drink. He glanced at all the other things in the small store, not really wanting any of them, but he bought a small chocolate bar too. He pulled out his wallet and paid with cash.   
   
 The man at the counter wasn’t someone he recognised, so he didn’t talk to him much.   
   
 After that he just took his things and left the store, but he didn’t want to go home.   
   
 So he just walked around a bit more.   
   
   
   
   
   
 He found a park bench and took a seat on it. It was under a streetlight, which was the only semblance of civilisation around him. He took a breath and looked forward. It was a park bench by the street, a street empty, no cars, a forest on one side, grass on the other. It was no doubt a park bench placed there for the elderly who still wanted to walk home, but needed a rest. Hinata poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue and took another breath of night air.   
   
 He rummaged through the plastic bag of stuff he bought.   
   
 He grabbed the can of his favourite drink, popping the lid with a hiss, and then sipped silently.   
   
 This.   
   
  _I’m used to this,_  he thought to himself, because – after all – it was true, wasn’t it?   
   
 Sure, his host parents were nice people, and the kids from his exchange school were always nice to him, but…   
   
 When he was overseas, this.  _This._  This was his life. He had no one to talk to, no one to hang out with… He had friends, but they weren’t really friends. They were just… people he’d met, people from school. He got invited out a few times here and there, but so many weekends were filled with nothing. Staying in his room, watching videos on the internet, or sometimes he actually felt like being productive – he studied the language, thinking it would help him socialise, would help him make friends.   
   
 In the end, though, he spent a whole year there… and he didn’t really miss any of them.   
   
 He was relieved, actually.   
   
 They were good people, but he was relieved that he didn’t have to stumble and stutter, try to translate his thoughts from one language to another. Hell, he wasn’t even that smart in his native tongue, and it no doubt got worse when he didn’t even know how to communicate.   
   
 In the end, though, a whole year… and he didn’t make a single friend.   
   
 He sipped his drink.   
   
 He thought all his problems would go away once he came home, but…   
   
  _Maybe I shouldn’t have left._  He glanced up.  _Maybe this was a mistake._    
   
 He raised his hand and tossed his empty drink in the trash like a basketball shot, finding no satisfaction in how cleanly it went in.   
   
 He just breathed and turned his back to the streetlight, walking home.   
   
   
   
   
   
 The dream was simple, really. Or, it had been simple, once. He would come back, with new hair, new confidence, with all his energy. He’d reconnect instantly, and none of them would know of how  _alone_  he was without them. No one would know how pathetic he was, without them. Really, he only had one goal when he came back: To tell Kageyama how he felt about him. When he first arrived, in the airport, he was so overcome with love and life that he threw himself at Kageyama, crashing on top of him in a hug.   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
  _“Kageyama!”  
   
 “GET OFF OF ME!”   
   
 They crashed to the ground, Kageyama taking the brunt of the impact as he fell on his back, scowling with the rage of a thousand storms, as Hinata laughed and sat on his chest, leaning down to squeeze him into the biggest hug ever hugged.   
   
 That moment made Kageyama seize; and, shakily, he brought his arms around to hug Hinata back, unsure of what to make of it.   
   
 Hinata, still laughing, nuzzled Kageyama’s cheek. “I missed you!”   
   
 “I…” Kageyama’s scowl intensified. “Missed. You… too.”_   
   
 The dream was simple, really.   
   
 Or, it had been simple… once.   
   
 When he only had a couple months left overseas, he had been hanging out with a crowd from his school. There were some drinks, and the bubbly sensation had given him confidence enough to tell them,   
   
  _There’s a boy I like._    
   
 He had known two others overseas, guys, who were dating and open about it. Everyone was cool with it; meanwhile, Hinata was muddled with thoughts about his best friend – it was a typical ‘if he rejects me, I’ll ruin our friendship’ case. He had to tell someone. He was dying to tell someone. He was so sure he was going to go over there and do it that he needed to get it off his chest.   
   
  _“There’s a boy I like,”_  he told a group of four or five of them, suddenly, in the other language. They had asked, for sure, if he had meant ‘boy’ and Hinata said yeah.  _“He yells at me a lot, and he always calls me dumbass!”_    
   
  _Hah!? Hinata! Are you sure you want to date someone like that!?_    
   
 Hinata still remembered how the laugh, warm and giggly, had spilled out of him.   
   
 They’d stared at him, confused.   
   
  _“We compete with each other, all the time! And we challenge each other, and, and, and we stay up late… and talk about silly stuff, and he loves drinking milk and I make fun of him for it… For hours, honestly, I could talk to him about nothing… but it’s just… We don’t really have the same hobbies? But we play sports a lot and… AGH! He’s so good! At everything! It makes me so mad! I wanna be better than him! At everything!”_    
   
  _Wow, Hinata… You’re practically vibrating! Sounds like you’re completely in love with him._    
   
 Hinata walked home, alone, hood over his darkened eyes, walking lifeless, a corpse.   
   
  _“Yeah, I am!”_    
   
 Hinata lowered his head, shutting his eyes.   
   
  _“Yeah, I am!”_    
   
   
   
   
   
 In the morning, Hinata was glad the clouds were out. He wore his hoodie, because it might rain, and he went out. He didn’t want to deal with the brightness of the sun… it was just too, unfitting. He didn’t know where he was going or where he was walking, but he eventually found his way down a familiar road. He walked by Iwaizumi’s house, and glanced at it. He took a breath and continued the path.   
   
 Memories of Matsukawa and Hanamaki barking and running around the very same street were invasive in his mind.   
   
 He got to the one point they would always bark and jump around the most. It was the entrance of the dog park, and that’s where the leashes would always come off.   
   
 He didn’t have a dog obviously, but Hinata stepped in and looked around.   
   
 Because it wasn’t a nice day, there were a lot less dogs than usual.   
   
 He found their familiar spot to sit. That’s where they had met Lev and Yaku (though Hinata could only remember Yaku’s name).   
   
 He took a seat and looked around, expecting to see them, but…   
   
 Hinata took a deep breath, closing his eyes.   
   
  _What am I doing?_    
   
 Hinata pulled out his phone, more messages he was ignoring from Kenma, one from their neighbour – Akaashi – who had baked some pies (Hinata’s favourite flavours) and wanted to give one to his mom.   
   
 Hinata looked back up and took a breath.   
   
  _What’s the point of all this? Why am I here?_    
   
   
   
   
   
 He spent hours outside, alone. One, because as an extrovert with no friends, that always felt better than being cooped up indoors; and, two, because he figured his mom would worry less if he just got out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind, right?   
   
 His phone rang.   
   
 It was past dinner time.   
   
 He picked up and held the phone to his ear, not really caring who called. “Hello…?”   
   
  _“Hi!”_    
   
 “Yachi.” Hinata blinked. “Hi.”   
   
  _“Wow, you uh… um… you… sound really bad.”_    
   
 Hinata didn’t say anything.   
   
  _“S-Sorry! Th-That was rude!”_  Nothing.  _“U-Um… a-anyway… Do you want to come over? Your, uh… your mom was really worried about you… your little sister too. I was tutoring her—Oh! I do that now! A-And, uh… well… Um, Hinata?”_    
   
 “Yeah?”   
   
  _“S-Sorry! I just u-uh, didn’t know if you were still there!”_    
   
 Hinata said nothing.   
   
  _“I m-mean of course you w-would still be there! Or the line would drop! Or maybe you got disconnected and—Actually that’s okay don’t worry about that! Um…”_  She took a deep breath.  _“We need to talk… And by w-we I mean… Tsukki and Yamaguchi, and you—a-and me! I almost forgot me! Haha! I, uh… Hinata, I… look… we need to talk, okay?”_    
   
 “Okay. Where?”   
   
  _“The basketball court? In fifteen minutes?”_    
   
   
   
   
   
  _Hinata served himself a heaping amount of rice then topped it with curry, while Kageyama went first for the spring rolls. Oikawa let them fill their plates before he did the same.  
   
 “So, Shorty, how’s it like coming back home?”   
   
 “Good!” Hinata beamed. “I missed home so much when I was over there.”   
   
 “Did you have fun?”   
   
 “Yeah!” he lied.   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun, it was just…   
   
 Hinata shook his head, shaking the thoughts away. “It was good! I went to all these new places, and I barely understood the language, but I did my best, and all the teachers were so nice! I’m kinda sad I came home, but also it’s… good to be home, too. You know?”_   
   
   
   
 Well.   
   
 No.   
   
 It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did have fun,  _it was just…_    
   
   
   
   
   
 Hinata arrived late, for no reason more than spite. He walked to the basketball court to see Yamaguchi (in Tsukishima’s hoodie) holding on to his sketchbook, as if he were going to draw, but it was obvious he wasn’t in the right mindset to do so. Yachi was awkwardly pacing the center court, while Tsukishima sat next to Yamaguchi, leaning on him.   
   
 It was Tsukishima who noticed him first, making eye contact.   
   
 Yachi jumped next, which made Yamaguchi looked up.   
   
 Hinata walked up to them and stared. He glanced at each of them and hummed. “Where’s Kags?”   
   
 “He’s, uh.” Yachi squinted for a moment. “Having family dinner, I guess?”   
   
 “Oikawa’s boyfriends are back,” explained Yamaguchi, “So he’s spending time with them tonight.”   
   
 “Oh.”   
   
 “Hinata,” murmured Tsukishima, “Don’t try to play it cool all the time…”   
   
 Hinata frowned.   
   
 Yamaguchi clutched his sketchbook. “Kageyama… told us… you guys had a fight… He mentioned it was, really, um… It was pretty bad, because of all the… touchy stuff, and stuff…”   
   
 Yachi nodded along.   
   
 Tsukishima didn’t confirm nor deny.   
   
 Hinata took a breath. “Yeah.” He shrugged. “We had a fight. We’ll get over it.”   
   
 “It was because of us, though…” Yamaguchi looked down. “I mean, not  _because_  of us but… um…”   
   
 “We get it,” Tsukishima stepped in. “You’re pissed off at us because we won’t tell you something, and that in turn pissed off Kageyama. Right?”   
   
 Hinata raised an eyebrow.   
   
 “Look, um, Hinata?” Yachi bit her lip softly. “I, uh… I’m not really sure what the right thing to say is right now but… you’re right… a lot of stuff happened when you were gone… and it’s not like we were trying to keep it a secret or something, it’s just… um… Kageyama… he asked us not to tell you about it, and…”   
   
 Yamaguchi bit his lip. “And it’s not like it’s over now but… it’s stuff we just… we don’t really want to think about, so…”   
   
 Hinata scoffed. “Out of sight, out of mind, right?”   
   
 “Something like that…”   
   
 “Well why don’t you guys just stop dancing around the issue and just tell me what the hell is going on anyway?”   
   
 “Well…” Yamaguchi opened his mouth, but didn’t seem to know where to begin.   
   
 Yachi vibrated out of anxiety and looked around for some kind of cue to help her.   
   
 There was a sigh, from Tsukishima.   
   
 Hinata glared at him.   
   
 “I’ll say what you already know,” Tsukki spoke quietly, “Kageyama… didn’t do well this last year. I’m not saying it’s because of you, or because you left… a lot of other things happened this year that contributed to it. His teachers were all assholes to him, the basketball club kicked him out for being too self-centered, his parents well… you know they don’t give a shit about him. It was worse this year. Oikawa’s teasing got to him too, and he just kept saying he missed you a lot.”   
   
 Hinata’s eyes softened.   
   
 “He was… in a lot of pain, I guess. And that’s…” Tsukishima made a bit of a grimace. “I started dating some chick… she was a bitch… I don’t know why I was going out with her… maybe I just didn’t want to admit I was in love with Tadashi.”   
   
 Yamaguchi looked away, eyes darkening.   
   
 “It was a bad time for all of us… we stopped hanging out… and Kageyama was kind of… pushing people away, a lot. He was saying things he didn’t really mean, saying hurtful things… to hurt us… so we would go away. He was isolating himself in his pain.” Tsukishima looked down. “A lot of other shit was going on too… He stopped taking his meds, the ones he takes for his attention issues. He started having these anxiety attacks, but he didn’t tell anyone about them.”   
   
 “Except me,” Yamaguchi whispered, “And I was an idiot for keeping it to myself.”   
   
 “Looking back, the warning signs were all there,” Tsukishima didn’t hold back his punches as Yamaguchi flinched. “But in the moment… it wasn’t that clear to really understand what was going on. Isolation, pain, anger, hopelessness, recklessness, the way his mood changed… He was just… under a lot of pressure, getting hit by all sides, and he wanted… to ease his suffering.”   
   
 “Ease,” Hinata murmured, “His suffering?”   
   
 “He…” Tsukishima looked down. “He couldn’t take it anymore, so he was looking… for another way…”   
   
 “Another way?”   
   
 “A way out,” whispered Yamaguchi.   
   
 “Are.” Hinata’s eyes narrowed. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”   
   
 Yachi hugged her arm. “Probably?”   
   
 “You.” Hinata glared at her. “What’s wrong with you? You can’t even  _say_  it?”   
   
 “It’s not that, Hinata,” Yamaguchi assured, “It’s just—”   
   
 “Suicide.”   
   
 They  _recoiled._    
   
 Hinata’s eyes widened. “He…”   
   
 Yamaguchi screwed his eyes shut, willing away the world. Yachi hugged her arm tight, shaking. Tsukishima said nothing, just looked down.   
   
 “Why…” Hinata could feel his hands twitching. “Why didn’t you tell me…?” His voice was soft, too soft. “Why were you keeping this a secret from me…?”   
   
 Tsukishima let the silence hang over them until he couldn’t take it anymore. “He made us promise… not to tell y—”   
   
  _“And you actually promised!?”_    
   
 Yamaguchi flinched.   
   
 “He said!” Tsukishima raised his voice, only for a moment. “He said… he would go seek treatment, get help… he would do everything… in exchange… in exchange we just had to keep it from you…”   
   
 “Why…?” Hinata’s eyes watered. “Why would he keep this from me!? Why would you keep this from me!?”   
   
 “Because!” Tsukishima glared. “You were off in fuck nowhere! You were doing your own thing, with new friends, with new people! He didn’t want to bring you down, don’t you get that? You were having fun! You were—”   
   
 “No I wasn’t!” Hinata yelled back, “I was alone! I could barely speak the language! I was alone and I wanted him! I kept trying to talk to him! I kept telling myself I was just a pest! That I was getting in his way! That you would all think—That  _he_  would think I was weak, for not being able to make new friends, and needing him!”   
   
 Yachi’s eyes widened.   
   
 Yamaguchi looked up.   
   
 Tsukishima’s anger melted and he looked down again, shoulders slumping. “Hinata…”   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me._    
   
 “Why would you keep this from me!?” Hinata yelled, “Who cares if you promised!? What are you saying to him by keeping that promise!? That it’s something to be ashamed of? That he can’t trust me? That he would be bothering me? That he doesn’t deserve to bother me? That him trying to  _kill himself_  isn’t worth me getting upset!?”   
   
 “We didn’t know what to do!” Tsukishima stood up, roaring, “We didn’t know what to do, okay!? What would you have done!? We just wanted him safe! We wanted him happy! I’d fucking cut off my arm if I didn’t have to see him hospitalised like that ever again! I would have done anything! You make it sound so fucking simple, so fucking easy, but you have no idea! You have no idea what the fuck we went through! We’re not professionals, we didn’t know what to do! We just did what we could!”   
   
 “It shouldn’t have been a secret!” Hinata yelled back, “No matter what! It’s not something to hide!”   
   
 “And what the hell do you know!? He didn’t want you to pity him! He didn’t want things to change! He wanted everything to go back to how it was!”   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 “But it did change! Everything changed! Hinata’s eyes watered and his hands balled into fists, trembling. “Kageyama—” He couldn’t think, he—“Where’s Kageyama!?”   
   
 “He’s–” Yamaguchi began, but—   
   
 Yachi interrupted, “Home, but don’t do anything brash please we—”   
   
 Hinata ran.   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.  
   
 You were hurting.   
   
 You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.   
   
 You didn’t tell me._   
   
 His movements were like a blur.   
   
  _You were hurting._    
   
 He ran across the street.   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 Ran along the sidewalk pavement.   
   
  _You were hurting._    
   
 He got to the house–   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 –pushed the door open.   
   
  _You were hurting._    
   
 He ran through the hallway.   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 He pushed the door open, and–   
   
  _You were hurting._    
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 Kageyama was sitting on his bed, blinking twice as he looked up from the screen of his phone.   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 Hinata lunged forward and–   
   
  _You didn’t tell me._    
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who—   
   
 Hinata crashed onto him, squeezing him, sitting on his lap, his arms and knees were hugging him. He nuzzled Kageyama’s neck, taking in his scent, bringing Kageyama’s life as close to him as he could.   
   
  _You were—_    
   
 Kageyama froze, phone long gone in the blur. He could feel the wetness against his neck and he understood Hinata was crying, but why would—   
   
  _You didn’t—_    
   
 “Why didn’t you tell me?”   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 “Kageyama… why… didn’t you tell me?”   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes moved from one corner of the room to the other. “Tell you what?”   
   
 “Why didn’t—”   
   
  _You—_    
   
 “You were hurting!” Hinata squeezed his eyes shut. “You never told me! You never…”   
   
 Kageyama, carefully, brought his arms around to hug Hinata. The action was strange for him, he wasn’t used to it, but he had seen his step-brother do it plenty of times with his boyfriends. It felt good, warm. Safe. He squeezed Hinata close, finding it equally adorable and annoying how small Hinata was, how little of him there was. For someone so loud, so bright, so full of presence—   
   
 “Why didn’t you tell me!?” Hinata hiccuped a sob. “Why didn’t you tell me…?” His voice was quiet now, shy; a weak whisper, pathetic. “Why didn’t you tell me you attempted–”   
   
 Kageyama squeezed, out of reflex, not wanting him to finish that sentence.   
   
 How many times had he heard it?   
   
 How many times had they told him about his attempted—   
   
 “–suicide,” Hinata said, as if it was simple, as if it was just that, as if there was nothing to hide.   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes blurred and he closed them, hugging Hinata tight.   
   
 Hinata hiccupped once more and his body began shaking in Kageyama’s lap. “Why didn’t you tell me?”   
   
 Kageyama couldn’t reply.   
   
 “Tell me… please…  _please,_  Kageyama…” Hinata kissed his cheek, his neck, whatever skin he could. “Please, I know it’s hard to talk about but… I–”   
   
 “I… didn’t want you to know.”   
   
 “Why?”   
   
 “Because…” Kageyama leaned into the warmth, the contact, finding it to be the only thing that made his raging heartbeat soften. “It was just… it was… a dark, scary place to be… I was alone… everywhere I looked, I turned… no one was there… I couldn’t find a way out, or a way to keep going… There was… I was so… I didn’t want to die, I just… couldn’t do it anymore…” Kageyama shook his head. “I didn’t want to think about that place ever again. I didn’t want you to feel bad, or… well, knowing you… you would’ve flown right back right away.”   
   
 “Damn right I would have.” Hinata squeezed him, in anger this time. “I would’ve hijacked the plane and crashed it into your house to get to you faster.”   
   
 “Then for sure I would’ve died.”   
   
 “Shut up, you  _dumbass!_ ”   
   
 “Sorry,” whispered Kageyama in a small smile.   
   
 “I love you.”   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes opened.   
   
 “I love you,” repeated Hinata. “I love you…” His death grip relaxed around Kageyama as he melted in his lap. “I love you… and I wanted to come back, and tell you… and tell you that I… tell you that you mean the world to me… that nothing matters more than… than you, to me. God, Kageyama, you fucking dumbass I—” He opened his eyes and nuzzled his chin. “I love you.”   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes widened, irises shaking.   
   
 Hinata backed away and cupped his face. “I love you so much.”   
   
 Kageyama’s vision blurred as a tear fell from one eye.   
   
 Hinata smiled, and leaned in, pressing their lips together.   
   
 Kageyama shut his eyes, making a tear fall from the other eye, but he couldn’t care because—   
   
 Hinata kissed him.   
   
 Kageyama breathed through his nose, feeling calmer than ever and yet more alive than he had ever been.   
   
 Hinata pulled away, opening his eyes at the same time as Kageyama, and making eye contact. “Tobio Kageyama,” he whispered, “You’re a dumbass, and I love you.”   
   
 Kageyama took a shaky breath, and his lips twitched as he tried to form words.   
   
 Hinata expected ‘I love you too’, but what he got was:   
   
  _“Why?”_    
   
 Hinata blinked. “Because… you’re you.”   
   
 Kageyama took in a sharp, shaky breath. He shut his eyes, and pressed his forehead against Hinata’s shoulder.   
   
 Hinata wrapped his arms around him and smiled, nuzzling his hair. “What’s wrong?”   
   
 “I just…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m. Having bad thoughts.”   
   
 “Bad thoughts…?”   
   
 “In therapy, we… I mean… Sometimes I think things, like ‘I don’t deserve this’ or ‘I’m a waste of space’ or ‘I’m bringing everyone down’ and…” He took in a deep, shaky breath. His whole body was shaking. “Some of the techniques I learned is about changing my way of thinking… so I’m not so hard on myself…”   
   
 “Change your thinking?”   
   
 “Not, um. Not change but… challenge?” Kageyama took another breath. “I have… depression. And. On its own it’s tough, but… My thoughts make it worse. I keep reinforcing my problems, by thinking things that aren’t right. So when I think bad thoughts, like ‘I don’t deserve this’, I have to challenge them with ‘Do I really not deserve this?’ And sometimes it’s easy… and sometimes it’s not… it’s simple but sometimes it’s really hard… but it helps… It…”   
   
 Hinata listened.   
   
 “It really helps, but.” Kageyama pressed his face further into Hinata’s shoulder. “But. I’m having a lot of those thoughts now…”   
   
 “Tell me about them.”   
   
 “I’m.” Kageyama’s shoulders tensed for a moment, before he relaxed again. “I’m thinking that… you’re amazing, and I’m worthless… that I don’t deserve you… that I’m, creepy, for… l-loving you since we were kids…  _Disgusting._  I kept it a secret… I’m disgusting, I’m… And. I’m thinking things like… you’ll get tired of me… and I’ll bring you down… that I’ll hurt you… that I can’t let you near me or I’ll—” He choked up. “I can’t stand it.”   
   
 Hinata kissed the top of his head. “Kageyama—”   
   
 “I don’t deserve you! I’ll bring you down! I’m just a depressed, dull, dumbass and you’re better off without me!”   
   
 “I missed you,” he whispered, “I missed you so much… I wanted to call you, and talk to you… every day. Every single day I thought about you… I had fun, but I kept thinking how much I wanted you there with me…”   
   
 Kageyama paused for a moment.   
   
 “I had no one when I was there. I was alone, Kageyama. I’m not saying that I would’ve magically fixed all your problems, and I’m not saying you magically would have fixed all of mine… but… I realised how much you meant to me when you were gone. I realised how much… I realised how I felt about you, and how I was tired… tired of telling myself not to go for it. Tired of telling myself to just pretend I’m okay with being just friends… that my feelings are just best friend feelings…”   
   
 Kageyama moved his head a bit to peek up at Hinata.   
   
 “You were hurting.” Hinata’s eyes softened. “But the truth is… I was hurting too… and I never told you either, ne?”   
   
 Kageyama’s eyes began shaking again and he screwed them shut.   
   
 “Kageyama, I…” Hinata hugged him tight. He closed his eyes. “I thought about it a couple times, you know, what it would be like if I jumped off a bridge, or walked into fast traffic… I think it’s, um. Okay? To have those thoughts? Like it’s not a good thing, but I think everyone has those thoughts sometimes… But, also, I can’t say I ever wanted to  _actually_ do it… I don’t know everything, and I don’t understand all of your feelings? Um… I guess what I’m trying to say is… I was isolated and hurting… but I don’t have the kind of depression or those thoughts that you do… but, um… if you want to tell me about them, I’ll uh – listen. I’ll listen”   
   
 Kageyama opened his eyes again, peeking up at Hinata.   
   
 “I don’t know exactly what led you to those feelings, but I think… I think people can understand each other, because even if our experiences are different… the feelings are the same… hurt… isolation… pain… The situation could be d-different, but the feelings are the same… so… if you want to tell me about everything, I want to know. I don’t want you to ever feel like you should be humiliated, or guilty, or feel like you’re burdening me…”   
   
 Kageyama relaxed in his arms and took in his scent, just breathing in Hinata.   
   
 “Kageyama…” Hinata smiled a little as he kissed the top of his head again. “I just… I want you to be happy… because you make me happy… I’ve been happier the first couple of days I came back than the months I spent over there.”   
   
 Kageyama took in another breath. “But I hurt you.”   
   
 “Ah, you dumbass. So what?” Hinata laughed. “You’re gonna have to hurt me a lot more than that if you want me gone.”  
   
 “But what if I do…?”   
   
 “Well…” Hinata thought about it. “I’m not going to say I’ll be here forever, no matter what. I have to do what’s best for me… so maybe, maybe if you really start hurting me I’ll go… I’ll still love you, but I’ll go… but. If I’m being honest, I think we can work things out before it ever gets anywhere near that.”   
   
 Kageyama lifted his head and looked Hinata in the eye. “I told you I… get mad, and say things I don’t mean… and I hurt people for no good reason… I’m a bad person, I—”   
   
 “You’re  _not_  a bad person.” Hinata frowned, but softened it. “You’re a good person, going through a lot. You’re dealing with challenges and it sounds like you’ve overcome a few without me, right? You got this. I’ll help you through this, if you want me.”   
   
 “Hinata… you’re a dumbass.”   
   
 “I know, but I love you.”   
   
 Kageyama twitched a bit, cheeks warming. He looked away for a while. “Hinata…”   
   
 “Yeah?”   
   
 “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”   
   
 “Shh, don’t say sorry.” Hinata reached up and kissed the corner of his eye, where a new tear was forming. “We both wanted to go back to how it used to be, we so badly wanted that… we wanted it so badly that we pretended the present didn’t exist, so focused on the past, but in the end… I guess we didn’t realise the future can be just as good, maybe better, even if it’s a bit different.”   
   
 That made Kageyama pause. “Better?”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata grinned and kissed him again, a sweet chaste kiss that left a burning blush on Kageyama’s face. “It’s easy to be nostalgic, and think the past was the best, and that the past was some ‘prime time’ that we wish we could go back to, a golden era… but if I’m being honest… it was really hard living with not being able to tell you, not being able to kiss you… not even being able to touch you, or hug you…”   
   
 Kageyama nodded, slowly.   
   
 “A lot of it hurt, and there was a lot of anxiety, and a lot of doubt… I could pretend the past was amazing and I can waste my time wishing I could go back, but… every time has its own challenges, right? So I’m just going to focus on now, and make now the best it can be, so that the future will be even better than the past.”   
   
 Kageyama, carefully, leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was the first kiss he’d initiated, and it was too gentle, too awkward, not even a peck, more of just a boop of their lips together.   
   
 Hinata giggled, actually  _giggled._    
   
 And Kageyama did too, though he tried to hide it.   
   
 Hinata hugged him tight, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you, Kageyama… We’ll work it out… it’ll take time but, it’ll be worth it… I promise.”   
   
 Kageyama hugged him back, nodding because it was too hard to form words.   
   
 “And I’m sorry too,” he whispered, “For pretending I was so strong… For making you feel like there was no way you could tell me… I was hurting, but I never told you.”   
   
 They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other.   
   
 “But in the end,” Kageyama’s eyes softened, arms wrapping tight around Hinata. “You told me.” 


	5. Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always hit me up on [Tumblr (Remembrance123)](remembrance123.tumblr.com), [Twitter (Remembrance123)](https://twitter.com/Remembrance123), Skype (remmy-rem), Discord (RemRem#8656) or even here on AO3! I'm going to be posting a fic/chapter/update once a week (either every Saturday or Sunday), so if you enjoyed my writing style feel free to keep supporting. <3
> 
> I do want to say thank you for all the support, the comments, the love. This is the first time I've finished something in a long time, and it means a lot to me. I hope you guys enjoyed the fic so far. It was originally going to be four chapters, but I felt it needed a bit more -- so five it is!
> 
> * * *

 “Tobio?”   
   
 Kageyama looked up. He got up, glanced back to Hinata, who just gave a nod, and walked off to follow the person who called for him.   
   
 Hinata sat in a chair, in the waiting room, and pulled out his phone. He just looked up silly videos of cats and dogs on the internet to pass the time. Eventually, however, he saw a woman walk up to him.   
   
 “Are you waiting to see someone?”   
   
 “Ah! No!” Hinata smiled. “My boyfriend’s in therapy so I’m just waiting for him.”   
   
 “Oh, Tobio?” She smiled suddenly. “I didn’t know he had a boyfriend.”   
   
 “I’m new!”   
   
 She laughed and gave a small nod. “His meeting with Dr. Yamamoto will take a while. She sees her patients for fifty minute intervals.”   
   
 “That’s okay,” he assured with a smile. “I’m just gonna wait. I might go for a walk if I get restless, but I don’t mind.”   
   
 She smiled at that, and gave another nod.   
     
     
   

* * *

   
     
Chapter 5:  _Spring_    
   
   

* * *

  
     
     
     
 A couple days ago, Hinata had been lying in Kenma’s bed again, and Kenma had raised an eyebrow. “So… everything worked out with you and Kageyama?”   
   
 “Yep!”   
   
 Kenma stared at him.   
   
 “What?” Hinata looked up. “Well, okay… I mean, it’s not perfect but…” He smiled. “We started talking about it now, and it’s… really nice.” Hinata laughed, suddenly. “You know! He’s not actually that bad at being sweet! I mean, he’s kinda awful and awkward about it, but… it’s kind of nice in its own way.”   
   
 Kenma smiled a little, which was considered a lot considering how small his smiles usually were. “So.” Kenma put his game down for a second. “What did you guys talk about?”   
   
 “Well, about his therapy and stuff…”   
   
 “Therapy and stuff?”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata’s eyes softened as he rolled over. “You know… It’s funny how two people can see the same thing entirely differently sometimes? Like… I started being all touchy and intimate with him, suddenly, because I was so in this mindset of I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna confess, I’m gonna be his boyfriend, you know? And I thought, when he was pushing me away, it’s because he didn’t like that stuff. And he was angry because I was being gross or something…”   
   
 “But it wasn’t that?”   
   
 “No! It was!” Hinata’s eyes softened again. “It was because… it kept giving him his ‘unhelpful thoughts’. He’s not supposed to call them bad thoughts, because that’s good and bad judgement, and that criticism doesn’t help… but the thoughts aren’t very effective or helpful, but… Anyway. Whatever. I don’t get it, but when I started being more touchy or closer, he kept getting thoughts like he doesn’t deserve it, or that he would hurt me if we got together. Stuff like that, you know? Like…”   
   
 “He’d beat himself up?”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata pouted. “God, life is hard enough… It’s hard enough without having to beat yourself up, you know? You don’t gotta make it worse for yourself.”   
   
 “But people do,” Kenma murmured. “That’s sad.”   
   
 Hinata nodded. “So I just gotta remind him he plenty deserves me plenty, and that I do like him, even if he gets angry at me for it. Because he’s gonna be angry at me anyway, because he’s Kageyama and he’s always angry with me.”   
   
 Kenma laughed, actually laughed. “I’ll never understand how you two are so perfect for each other.”   
   
 “Hah?” Hinata rolled onto his tummy and propped himself up with his elbows. “We’re so  _not_  perfect for each other. We’re just too stubborn to give up, and that’s the one quality we share, so we kinda bond over it. Nobody else understands when I keep saying I want more, you know? Other people get tired, get tired of me… but Kageyama never does. I can say one more, one more, and he’ll always be there for it.”   
   
 Kenma looked away, hiding a little smile.   
   
 “And he’s kinda dumb for thinking that I would get tired of him one day.”   
   
 “You know…” Kenma looked back at him. “People probably have a lot of thoughts that they’re dumb for having…”   
   
 “Oh yeah, I got lots too!” Hinata smiled. “But the important thing is to take it one step at a time and do what you can.” His smile grew, then softened. “It’s kinda hard… dating someone who’s depressed… and I’m sure there will be some days I just won’t be able to take it anymore… but… Overall, it’s amazing being with him. I love it. I love him. So, good days and bad days, rain or shine, you know? I’m gonna be there for him, and I know he’s gonna be there for me. And that’s that!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Back in the waiting room, Hinata played with his phone, some stupid game where he had to adjust the coloured tiles to make gradients. Yamaguchi loved it because it helped with his colour perception, and Hinata thought it was fun for the first few levels but now he was wondering if he was colour blind or something.   
   
 “Hinata.”   
   
 Hinata looked up.   
   
 Kageyama stood awkwardly, small blush on his cheeks as he fidgeted a little.   
   
 Behind him stood a short woman, smiling bright. “This is him?”   
   
 Hinata stood up and blinked. “Hi.”   
   
 “Um.” Kageyama shrugged awkwardly. “This is my therapist, Dr. Akane Yamamoto… This is Hinata… the dumbass I told you about.”   
   
 Hinata blinked. “You talked about me?”   
   
 “Ah I can’t divest that kind of confidential information,” said Akane with a catlike smile. “But I’ve been hearing about you since I started talking to him months ago!”   
   
 Kageyama’s blush deepened and he looked away.   
   
 Hinata grinned. “It’s nice to meet you!”   
   
 “Nice to meet you too!” Her smile became professional as she moved some of her hair behind her. “Tobio and I discussed possibly bringing you in on one of the sessions, if you’re willing, to help him talk about some of his experiences and feelings with you. You don’t have to decide now, but do you think that’s something you’d be willing to try?”   
   
 “Sure!” Hinata beamed. “That would be awesome!”   
   
 Kageyama looked away even more.   
   
 Akane chuckled at that. “Alright, well I’ll let you two go now. Same time next week, Tobio?”   
   
 “Yes. Thank you.”   
   
   
   
   
   
 They didn’t talk for a while, but went out for a walk. They decided to get ice cream, and Hinata held his ice cream in his left hand to reach out and hold Kageyama’s hand (he knew Kageyama would prioritise holding his milkshake with his dominant hand).   
   
 Kageyama fidgeted a bit as their fingers intertwined, interlaced.   
   
 Hinata smiled. “So, what did you guys talk about?”   
   
 “You.”   
   
 Hinata blinked.   
   
 “You, mostly… just… about stuff.” Kageyama swallowed hard. “About how I would feel, about telling you, about my attempt.”   
   
 Hinata looked at him.   
   
   
   
   
   
 They went down to the beach, sitting on a large overturned log, hands still together.   
   
 “I had two attempts,” Kageyama admitted softly. “The first one… I never told anyone about… until today… Um.” He frowned. “I told Dr. Yamamoto that I wanted you to be the first one I told, since I didn’t even tell her… but then I ended up telling her, so I guess you’re not the first.”   
   
 Hinata chuckled. “Sorry,” he added. “That’s just… so you.”   
   
 Kageyama smiled a little, but it faded. He looked down and swallowed hard. “I tried drowning myself, in my bathtub. Well. I don’t know if I tried doing it… I just kind of… zoned out, and didn’t realise what I was doing, didn’t realise I was holding my breath underwater, until I heard Oikawa come home and—” He shifted. “I snapped out of it and realised what I was doing…”   
   
 Hinata looked down, only listening.   
   
 “That was… kind of when I realised… I know this might sound stupid, but I didn’t realise I was suicidal until then. I kept thinking about wanting to disappear, or just ‘leave’ but I didn’t really realise I was trying to escape from, life.” Kageyama glanced at the sand, seeing a little crab walk along sideways. “The second time, I ended up taking a lot of pills.”   
   
 Hinata glanced at him.   
   
 “Um, Adderall. The pills I take. For my attention issues in. School? I started stockpiling them… I pretended to take them, and collected them one by one, until I refilled the bottle. Oikawa walked in just as I swallowed them… He figured out that I took them all… He was there… crying, actually… He called the emergency number… I didn’t really think he cared about me at all… Our parents just got married and dropped me off at his place to take care of…”   
   
 “That’s why the two of you are so different now?”   
   
 “We… talked about a lot of things…” Kageyama gave a soft sigh. “I hit him, actually… trying to get him to stop calling for an ambulance… I was so… so  _angry_ … When I woke up in the hospital, I was so angry at him, for saving my life… I’m, glad he did it now, but… It was a dark place.”   
   
 Hinata squeezed his hand.   
   
 Kageyama slurped the last bits of his milkshake, loudly.   
   
 Hinata chuckled, again. “Sorry.”   
   
 Kageyama gave a soft smile. “That’s what happened… I want to tell you more, but…”   
   
 “One step at a time.” Hinata leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for telling me.”   
   
 “Hinata?”   
   
 “Yeah?”   
   
 “… Can we kiss again?”   
   
 “Yeah.”   
   
 They leaned in together, softly pressing their lips together.   
   
 Hinata smiled and licked his ice cream, which was semi-melted at that point. “Love you.”   
   
 Kageyama murmured a strangled noise as he tried to return the words.   
   
   
   
   
   
 They held hands on the walk home, not saying too much, but Hinata was okay with that. He figured Kageyama wanted a bit of silence after talking about everything; he could give that, for now anyway. He smiled and glanced over to Kageyama. He kissed his shoulder as they walked, making Kageyama stare at him with a blank face. Hinata couldn’t help but laugh.   
   
 They got to Kageyama’s home and Kageyama broke their hands away to open the door. “We’re home,” he murmured as he took off his shoes.   
   
 “Ah, Tobio! Shrimpy!”   
   
 Hinata stepped in as well, taking his shoes off. “Hi Tooru!” He smelled the air. “Are you cooking something?” He walked to the kitchen and peeked in. “It smells so good!”   
   
 Oikawa laughed as he put the ladle down, glancing away from the rich crab bisque he was making. He ruffled Hinata’s hair and pulled him into a hug.   
   
 Hinata laughed and hugged back, though out of the corner of his eye he could see Kageyama glaring at him. He pulled away from the hug and smiled. “Are you jealous he gets to hug me?”   
   
 “No, shut up.”   
   
 Hinata jumped to grab Kageyama’s head and pulled him down into a kiss. “Mwah! There! Don’t be jealous anymore!”   
   
 “My, my…” Oikawa smirked. “You got quite the cutie, Tobio, but I still win because I have two.”   
   
 There was a bark.   
   
 Hinata broke away and turned to the open screen door that led to the backyard, where Matsukawa and Hanamaki were rolling around. “Dogs!”   
   
 “Hey Shorty,” Iwaizumi said as he patted his tuft of orange hair. “You grew a little.”   
   
 “Really!?”   
   
 “No he didn’t,” corrected Kageyama.   
   
 “I totally did!”   
   
 “No you didn’t!”   
   
 Oikawa stirred the soup and hummed. “I’m so lucky my boyfriends are back home. Did you miss me, Hajime?”   
   
 “Not really.”   
   
 “Yes you did!”   
   
 “We had Skype dates like every three days, why would I have missed you?”   
   
 “So mean!”   
   
 Iwaizumi hummed and glanced to the other side of the room, which led to the living room. “What about you?”   
   
 Ushijima was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone with deep focus, reading along to something that seemed important. “I didn’t miss him.”   
   
 Iwaizumi smirked at a dejected Oikawa, then he walked over and essentially laid on top of Ushijima. Ushijima didn’t mind, just accommodated.   
   
 Oikawa however pouted. “Don’t ignore me!”   
   
 They ignored him.   
   
 Oikawa lowered the heat of the soup then walked over, laying on Iwaizumi, who was laying on Ushijima. “Now you can’t ignore me.”   
   
 Ushijima cracked a small smile, while Iwaizumi huffed a small laugh through his nose.   
   
 There was a moment of silence, and Ushijima sighed, Iwaizumi frowned, and Oikawa said, “I wanna be in the middle.”   
   
 Ushijima murmured, “That’s why Iwaizumi doesn’t let you be in the middle, Oikawa.”   
   
 “Hah?”   
   
 “You never let Iwaizumi be in the middle.”   
   
 “Why would I let Hajime be in the middle when  _I_  could be in the middle?”   
   
 “That’s why I won’t give you the middle.”   
   
 “Ushiwaka you’re so mean!”   
   
 Iwaizumi just smirked through it all.   
   
 “Hey,” Hinata said as he turned to Kageyama, small smile on his lips. “I wanna be in the middle.”   
   
 Kageyama squinted. “There’s only two of us.”   
   
 “I wanna be in the middle.”   
   
 “There’s only two of us!”   
   
 “I wanna be in the middle!”   
   
 “D-DUMBASS, THERE’S ONLY TWO OF US!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 In Kageyama’s room, they lay on the bed together, forehead against forehead. He had stuffed pillows on the other side of Hinata to make him ‘in the middle’ and he was shocked that Hinata was shocked that he actually made some kind of attempt. He frowned, but it went away after they stayed together, close. He had seen glimpses of Oikawa doing this with Ushijima over the years; and, more recently, with Iwaizumi too, but…   
   
 Cuddling.   
   
 Hinata smiled, happily, letting time pass like they had the world, eyes closed, warm, fulfilled.   
   
 Kageyama’s lips wiggled and wibbled, until a little smile formed on his face too.   
   
 Time didn’t need to exist.   
   
 After five minutes, maybe ten, Hinata moved in and kissed him once, softly.   
   
 Kageyama blushed as if it was his first.   
   
 Hinata laughed.   
   
 Kageyama frowned.   
   
 Another five, maybe ten, maybe more—   
   
 “Hinata.”   
   
 Hinata moved away a bit to look at him.   
   
 “Um. What happened. With… Yamaguchi… and the others.”   
   
 “Oh.” Hinata thought about how to answer for a moment, glancing down at his toes. “Well… I wanted to know why you weren’t yourself… and they, didn’t give me an answer at first, and I got really mad at them… Then they told me, and I got… angry.” He looked up. “Not at you! At them…” His eyes softened. “For keeping it a secret…”   
   
 Kageyama stared. “I asked them to.”   
   
 “I know, but!” Hinata frowned.   
   
 “You’re still mad?”   
   
 “Yeah!”   
   
 “You…” Kageyama swallowed hard. “The first time… you said you probably said things you didn’t mean, and you didn’t even remember what you said… Did you apologise?”   
   
 Hinata looked at him.   
   
 “Um.” Kageyama avoided eye contact. “I don’t know, but… They were trying to do what’s right, even if it didn’t work out… And maybe they were wrong, but… It came from a good place, so…”   
   
 The creases that made Hinata’s frown softened and he looked back down at his toes.   
   
 “People are hard.”   
   
 “Yeah.”   
   
 “Sometimes, you have to forgive others… even if you were right.”   
   
 Hinata said nothing.   
   
 “Because, people make mistakes, even if they’re doing their best… and it’s better to forgive, and to let go of that anger, and vengeance, than hold onto it because you feel justified for being right.”   
   
 “Why?”   
   
 “Because… that feeling, of being justified, of being right… I don’t think it helps. It doesn’t help them, and it doesn’t help you… It doesn’t even feel that good. I guess it kind of feels good, in the way that you’re kind of… kept alive, by anger… but it’s not…” Kageyama took a breath. “What I’m trying to say is, accepting others make mistakes… that feels better. Because we’re all going to make mistakes eventually. Right?”   
   
 “Right.”   
   
 “And… you’re such a dumbass you’re going to make a lot of mistakes, so forgive them and they’ll forgive you in the future when you fuck up.”   
   
 “Hey!” Hinata looked up, eyes wide, a little hurt.   
   
 Kageyama cracked a smile.   
   
 Hinata blushed and punched his chest.   
   
 Kageyama winced, but grabbed the back of Hinata’s head and pulled him in, so his head was in the crook of his neck.   
   
 Hinata wrapped his arms around him and smiled, nuzzling his shirt.   
   
   
   
   
   
 The ball dribbled on the concrete as Yachi dodged Hinata’s attempt to stop her. She jumped in a feint to shoot, and ended up passing to Tsukishima—but Kageyama caught the ball midair and, from across the court, took a shot. It went in, and all of them stared at Kageyama, not saying anything, except of course—   
   
 “Gwah! That’s not fair! Goddamnit Kageyama, you’re so good at everything! I hate you! You’re so good!”   
   
 “And you’re so bad!” Kageyama yelled back, “You messed up that rebound at the start!”   
   
 “It wasn’t a rebound, it hit my face!”   
   
 “Then at least use your face to pass it to me, dumbass!”   
   
 “My face isn’t a hand, Kageyama!”   
   
 “Make it a hand, dumbass! Now all you have is a bruise! It looks ugly!”   
   
 “Then kiss it better, you dumbass!”   
   
 “Fine!” Kageyama grabbed him by the collar and yanked him up, pressing his lips roughly against the bruised area, kissing it roughly, before shoving Hinata away.   
   
 Tsukishima blinked.   
   
 “Eh?” Yachi tilted her head.   
   
 “Ow, Kageyama! That hurt!”   
   
 “Shut up, Dumbass!”   
   
 “Are…” Yamaguchi, pausing mid-sketch, stared at them. “Are we not going to talk about that kiss o-or—”   
   
 “Oh!” Hinata smiled. “We’re dating now.”   
   
 Kageyama frowned. “This dumbass is my boyfriend.”   
   
 “Yup!”   
   
 Tsukishima squinted for a long while, only stopping when he was interrupted by Yachi’s soft giggle.   
   
 “O-Oh.” Yamguchi blinked. “Okay.”   
   
 They went back to basketball. Kageyama and Hinata were an awful duo, entirely unpredictable to both their opponents and themselves. They had some points that were brilliant, and some mistakes that could have easily been avoided if the two of them understood proper teamwork. Tsukishima and Yachi put up a good fight, though. With Tsukki’s height and Yachi’s frantic speed, they ended up keeping the match as a tie for a while, until the end where Tsukishima managed to score a couple three-pointers in a row with Yachi’s passes, winning the game.   
   
 They went for ice cream after that, and had it by the beach, sitting on an overturned log.   
   
 When Kageyama excused himself to go to the bathroom, it felt oddly familiar. Hinata half wondered if Kageyama had done it on purpose, but then he figured Kageyama wasn’t smart enough to do something with that much finesse.   
   
 An awkward, tense silence fell.   
   
 Hinata’s eyes fell to the floor and he softly kicked the sand. “I’m sorry,” he said.   
   
 Tsukishima flinched, Yamaguchi looked up, and Yachi held her breath.   
   
 “I’m sorry… I got really angry… I got pissed off at you guys, and… You were trying to do what was best; or, what you thought was best, but… It doesn’t really matter, the point is—”   
   
 “It’s fine,” cut in Tsukishima. “You were right. We were keeping it a secret because we just wanted to avoid the issue. We thought if we didn’t bring it up, then it would all disappear.”   
   
 “Even if he asked us to keep a promise,” murmured Yamaguchi, “The right thing would have been to tell others… Or at least… not hide it so much when it’s obvious something’s wrong.”   
   
 “A-Ah…” Yachi scratched her cheek. “I still don’t know what the r-right thing would have been…”   
   
 “Yeah.” Hinata looked at the ocean, watching it flow towards the endless expanse of the horizon. “I think… it’s kinda easy, though, for me to sit and criticise you guys, though. You know? It’s so easy for me to just… kinda say, well, you should’ve told me. I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t know if I would have said anything… So, thanks.”   
   
 Yamaguchi blinked. “Thanks?”   
   
 “For being there,” Hinata whispered, “For him.”   
   
 Yachi’s eyes softened and she looked down, a small smile on her lips.   
   
 “For being there for him… when I wasn’t.”   
   
 “Hinata.” Tsukishima glanced away, pretending to be annoyed. “He’s… he’s our friend as well.”   
   
 “Not just that,” Yachi whispered.   
   
 Yamaguchi nodded.   
   
 Hinata blinked, looking at them.   
   
 Tsukishima kept looking away as he murmured, “You’re our friend too.”   
   
 Hinata smiled, putting his hands together. He glanced up to the sky and smiled.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Despite Iwaizumi being home and being able to go on runs with the dogs, Kageyama and Hinata decided to take the dogs out for the sake of it. After all, the dogs were happy to go out – and it was a bright summer’s day, so they shouldn’t have to be cooped up anywhere at all. They took them out and Hinata was adamant that they jog and run with the dogs.   
   
 Kageyama refused.   
   
 Hinata said if he ran then he’d leave him alone with all his stupid requests for the rest of the day.   
   
 Kageyama agreed.   
   
 Hinata ran with the dogs, holding Hanamaki’s leash tight. The troublemakers seemed pretty obedient today (though Hinata didn’t let his guard down in the slightest).   
   
 Kageyama jogged as well, keeping up with Hinata despite claiming earlier that he had no energy. However, it was the moment when Kageyama stepped a single step further than Hinata that Hinata moved a bit further ahead.   
   
 Instinct took over.   
   
 Kageyama began running faster, and Hinata puffed up his cheeks and sped up as well.   
   
 Before they knew it, they were both running (and yelling, screaming) as they charged through the city.   
   
 The dogs could keep up no problem, barking along loudly thinking this was some kind of game.   
   
 When they got to the dog park, the two of them fell over, rolling on their backs and looking up at the sky.   
   
 The dogs ran around them in a circle before rolling over as well, exposing their tummies.   
   
 Hinata sat up and began giving them tummy rubs, telling them what good boys they were.   
   
 Kageyama watched.   
   
 When Hinata figured they were sated, he rolled back and moved on top of Kageyama, laying on him.   
   
 “Oi, dumbass. We’re in public.”   
   
 “Who cares?” Hinata kissed him softly. “I love you.”   
   
 Kageyama’s throat tightened.   
   
 Hinata laughed a little and rolled onto the grass, reaching out to clasp Kageyama’s hand.   
   
 Kageyama closed his eyes and smiled, enjoying the exhaustion, the warmth, the softness.   
   
 “Are they asleep?”   
   
 They both opened their eyes, Hinata sat up and gasped.   
   
 “You’re! Uh—”   
   
 “Lev!”   
   
 “Lev!”   
   
 “And this is my boyfriend Yaku!”   
   
 “Yaku!”   
   
 “Hello.”   
   
 “Hi!”   
   
 Kageyama sat up as well, and stared at them with a little nod.   
   
 The dogs perked up and went to sit next to Yaku’s wheelchair. Yaku gave them pets and smiled. Lev leaned down to hug Yaku from behind and he gave him a big squeeze hug.   
   
 “The dogs love you, Yaku!”   
   
 “Everyone loves me,” he assured.   
   
 “I know I do!”   
   
 Yaku laughed a little. He glanced over to Hinata and Kageyama. “It’s been a while… but you two look different.”   
   
 “Different?” Hinata blinked.   
   
 Kageyama tilted his head, trying to remember the last time he cut his hair.   
   
 “Ah, it’s just. Last time it looked like you two were having a fight, maybe? Like there was a lot of distance between you two, like you didn’t really know each other.”   
   
 Hinata blushed and glanced to Kageyama.   
   
 Kageyama just shrugged.   
   
 Hinata chuckled at that.   
   
 Yaku laughed softly. “Never mind then.”   
   
   
   
   
   
 After their walk back to Iwaizumi’s house, and their run to Kageyama’s – Kageyama said he was taking a shower, but Hinata stated that he would take a shower first. They argued for a while until—   
   
 “Then we both take a shower!”   
   
 Kageyama froze for a second, blushing.   
   
 Hinata, only after he pulled off his shirt, realised what he was suggesting. “N-Not like that!” He paused. “I m-mean… maybe like that… if you want, but—”   
   
 “DUMBASS! SHUT UP!”   
   
 “Kageyama why are you so bright red? Don’t you want to see me naked, though!?”   
   
 “NO!”   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hot water poured over both of them. It was both awkward and exciting, showering together. They ended up both going in because neither of them could decide who was going in first even though they were both mostly undressed. Kageyama told him firmly they weren’t going to… do stuff. He didn’t really answer Hinata’s ‘Why not?’ but Hinata didn’t really mind.   
   
 After all, they had only been dating for… five? Days?   
   
 But it was nice too, hot water, both of them close. They weren’t friends who touched. They weren’t friends who hugged, or knew gentleness with each other. But. Now. They were finding touch helped them understand, innocent graces, the pressure, the warmth.   
   
 The feeling of not being alone.   
   
 Hinata pulled Kageyama down for a kiss, and it felt… sensual, in a way.   
   
 Despite Kageyama’s earlier words, his hands did roam Hinata’s body, down his side, cupping his ass.   
   
 Hinata smirked, and Kageyama murmured, “Shut up.”   
   
   
   
   
   
 When they got out of the shower, Hinata grabbed his phone and hummed. He made sure Kageyama wasn’t looking at what he was doing, or looking at his own phone, and began searching his messages. He found the group chat and began typing away.   
   
  **To: Yachi Birb, Kags, GWG (Giant With Glasses), Yamaguchguch**    
 < Guys! Guess what!!   
 < I know u made fun of me before but   
 < Kageyama IS well-endowed!   
   
 Within a second there was a reply from Tsukishima—   
   
  **GWG (Giant With Glasses)**    
 > DISGUSTING   
   
 Hinata cackled.   
   
  **Yachi Birb**    
 > Hinata!!! I dont think u should be telling us about that!!!   
   
  **GWG (Giant With Glasses)**    
 > EXACTLY.   
   
  **Yamaguchguch**    
 > how big tho   
   
  **GWG (Giant With Glasses)**    
 > TADASHI   
   
  **Yamaguchguch**    
 > lol! You got tsukki to rage text   
 > ok but   
 > really   
 > how big tho   
   
  **Yachi Birb**    
 > asdfghjd   
   
  **GWG (Giant With Glasses)**    
 > …I hate this.   
   
 Hinata just snickered a little victory, until he saw the shadow looming behind him darkening his phone. He glanced behind him.  
   
 Kageyama was looking at his own phone, the group chat open.   
   
 Hinata shifted his body to look over his shoulder, poker face. “What?”   
   
 “I hate you.”   
   
 “No you don’t!”   
   
 Kageyama bristled, quietly murmuring, “No I don’t.”   
   
   
   
  _You were hurting, but you didn’t tell me.  
   
 But so was I.   
   
 I was hurting, but I couldn’t tell you.   
   
 But in the end we—_    
   
   
   
 Kageyama pressed his head deep in the crook of Hinata’s neck. Hinata wrapped his arms around him, kissing his forehead. Sometimes Kageyama wanted to disappear. Hinata took a deep breath. He was laying on his back, with Kageyama trying to sink inside him. It was hard sometimes, but Hinata didn’t mind. One of Kageyama’s favourite things to do when he was feeling like this was to rest his head on Hinata’s chest, and listen to his heartbeat, so he moved down from Kageyama’s neck to his chest.   
   
 “Boy stuff!” Natsu yelled from the open door to Hinata’s room. “You guys are doing boy stuff again instead of spending time with me!”   
   
 Kageyama smiled at that, but didn’t move away from Hinata’s chest.   
   
 Hinata, keeping his arms wrapped around Kageyama, grinned. “Well Natsu, it’s not really boy stuff…”   
   
 “It’s… not?”   
   
 “Nope.”   
   
 “Then what is it!?”   
   
 “It’s boyfriend stuff!”   
   
 Natsu gasped sharply.   
   
 Kageyama’s smile grew a little.   
   
 Hinata kept grinning.   
   
 “Boyfriend,” Natsu whispered very quietly. She spun to the side and began running down the hall yelling, “MOM! SHOUYOU’S FINALLY NOT A DUMBASS!”   
   
 Hinata burst out laughing.   
   
 Kageyama snorted but murmured, “She’s wrong. You’re always a dumbass.”   
   
 “Yeah, yeah!” Hinata moved down to kiss his face. “But so are you.”   
   
 “Mm.” Kageyama pushed himself up and closed his eyes. He kissed Hinata proper, pressing their lips together. He felt Hinata reciprocate and that weird warm wet feeling made him smile before he broke the kiss and ducked back into Hinata’s neck.   
   
 Hinata kissed the side of his head and closed his eyes. “We should go out. Exercise.”   
   
 “Mm, no.”   
   
 “Wanna nap a bit?”   
   
 “Yeah.”   
   
 “Then we can go out?”   
   
 “Then we can go out.”   
   
 “Good.” Hinata kissed his hair. “Love you!”   
   
 “Love you too… dumbass.”   
   
 Hinata snorted.   
   
   
   
   
   
 That’s how it was, though. Kageyama’s depression wasn’t whisked away, but Hinata stood by him. There were good days and bad days, there were moments that were beautiful and breathtaking… and times where Hinata wanted to yell from exhaustion. But Hinata stood by him. Both his mom and Oikawa had told him he was like a saint, for staying with Kageyama through his storms, but Hinata didn’t really agree.   
   
 He  _wanted_  to be with Kageyama. He  _chose_  to be with Kageyama.   
   
 Sure, there were good days and bad days, but overall—   
   
 Those moments when Kageyama would smile at him, or laugh, or reach out to hold his hand—   
   
 Those moments when Kageyama would kiss his cheek, or play with his hair, or hug him from behind—   
   
 Those moments, although few, when Kageyama croaked while trying to call him a dumbass—   
   
 Those moments made Hinata feel alive.   
   
 There were good days and bad days, but Hinata just made the most of whatever kind of day it was.   
   
 There were some days Kageyama didn’t get out of bed, days where he shut the world out, and sometimes Hinata would just ask if he could lay quietly next to him. Kageyama knew Hinata didn’t understand what ‘quietly’ meant, but usually he said yes. Usually he hugged Hinata tight, and that made the day a little better.   
   
 The days he said no were hard on Hinata, but he had to shake it off and keep going. He had to focus on other things for the day, and respect Kageyama needed space – respect that Kageyama needed time apart and time together.   
   
 Because after the bad days, the good days would come again.   
   
   
   
   
   
 Hinata sat in Kageyama’s lap, on Kageyama’s bed. He had his phone in his hand as it was downloading the game. “So, you’re really going to do it? You’re going to teach me how to play? And be the ace?”   
   
 “Yeah but you’re probably going to suck.”   
   
 “Probably! But we can work together! It’ll be teamwork!”   
   
 And so, on their first match—   
   
 “Y-You.” Kageyama’s eyes shot up at Hinata. “Why did it say you disconnected?”   
   
 “W-Well!” Hinata backed away very carefully. “I, u-uh, didn’t check my b-battery, so, uh… my phone died!”   
   
 Kageyama opened his mouth to yell, but paused. “Okay.”   
   
 “O-Okay?”   
   
 “We all make mistakes.”   
   
 “Really?” Hinata both tensed and relaxed. “You’ll forgive me?”   
   
 “NO!” Kageyama grabbed a pillow and held it up like a sword before launching himself across the room _._  “DUMBASS!”   
   
   
 Their team lost


End file.
